The Daily Dad

There Are Things Better To Just Not Think About

Dec 12, 2019

03:10

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Emily Oster, an economist applying her training to parenting, discusses the need to let go of obsessing over every decision in parenting and embrace the joy of being present and attentive. She shares anecdotes from her book Cribsheet and highlights the importance of accepting that we cannot control everything.

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Quick takeaways

Embrace selective ignorance in parenting and avoid obsessing over every decision and 'what if' scenario.

Balance pragmatism with parenting by accepting that not everything can be controlled and focus on enjoying the experience with a positive mindset.

Deep dives

Embracing Selective Ignorance

One of the main insights from the podcast episode is the concept of embracing selective ignorance in parenting. In a world filled with endless parenting advice and information, it can be overwhelming to constantly worry about every tiny decision. The speaker shares an anecdote about author Emily Oster, who applied her economist training to parenting and wrote a data-driven guide called Crib Sheet. However, Oster learned an important lesson when her pediatrician advised her not to dwell on every 'what if' scenario. This advice resonated with Oster and highlights the need to let go of control and enjoy parenting without obsessing over every possible outcome.

There Are Things Better To Just Not Think About

3min

Emily Oster is a writer and a thinker after our own heart. Frustrated with all the bad parenting advice—most of which seems to be based on old wives’ tales and ridiculously bad data—she set out to apply her economist training to the subject of parenting. What kind of sleep training is best? Formula or breastfeeding? Screen time, good or bad?

The result was her book Cribsheet: A Data-Driven Guide to Better, More Relaxed Parenting from Birth to Preschool, which is worth reading and recommending to anyone with young kids. But what’s so interesting about the book is where it ends, which is not with some data driven insight but something completely anecdotal, and yet totally true. Oster, about to take her daughter on an international trip, anxiously asked the pediatrician what would happen if her daughter was stung by a bee while they were away. What if she’s allergic? What if something bad happens? You know the script, what if, what if, what if?

The doctor’s reply: “I’d just try not to think about that.”

As Emily explained in an interview:

I think about that advice all the time because it’s pretty broadly applicable to a lot of things in parenting. We can get caught up in every tiny decision and miss the enjoyment of parenting and the part of this that’s supposed to be fun. It just pushed against some of my worse instincts as a parent to just obsess over everything. Sometimes you just have to accept that you cannot control everything. That’s hard, but it’s part of the fun. Also, the kid was eventually stung by a bee, and it was totally fine.

Selective ignorance seems like a dangerous parenting strategy, and, of course, if practiced all the time, would be. But there is no way you’re going to be a good dad if all you do is worry about everything that could possibly happen. There’s no way you’ll be present or fun or attentive if your mind is constantly running through worst case scenarios. There’s no way you’ll get the big decisions right if you’re sweating every tiny decision.

There are some things it’s better not to think about. There are some times when we just need to accept that we’re winging it. There are some problems we’ll just have to solve when we get to them--if we even have to get to them. In the meantime, we’ve got plenty of other things to do...so go do it!

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