Just Break Up: Relationship Advice from Your Queer Besties Episode 42: When All Your Hard Work Just Doesn’t Work
May 6, 2019
In this lively discussion, the hosts dive into cross-cultural dating dynamics, exploring how cultural differences can impact relationships. They tackle the tough topic of defining oneself through work and the journey toward self-acceptance. There's a fascinating breakdown of shame versus guilt, highlighting how these emotions affect personal growth. Listeners hear an anonymous letter from a cross-cultural couple navigating expectations, emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries and shared values in love. It's a candid and insightful conversation!
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Shame vs. Guilt Distinction
- Shame says "I am a bad person" while guilt says "I did a bad thing."
- Reframing shame into guilt lets you apologize without erasing your inherent worth.
Use Self-Talk After Criticism
- Use positive self-talk to counteract shame after criticism.
- Repeat clear affirmations like "I'm allowed to make mistakes" until defensive shame softens.
Define Your Boundaries First
- Establish your own boundaries first, separate from family and partner expectations.
- Use that baseline to tell parents and partners what you will and won't accept.
