Science-Backed Secrets For Making Friends: Become Super Likable, Find Your BEST Friend, & Deepen Relationships with Dr. Marisa G. Franco
Sep 7, 2022
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Dr. Marisa G. Franco, a professor, psychologist, and author, shares science-backed secrets for making friends in this lively podcast. She discusses the challenges of making friends as adults and offers tricks to make people like you more. They explore the best places to make new friends and how to make friends outside of your own race, age, or socioeconomic background. Dr. Franco also provides advice on deepening friendships, turning acquaintances into close friends, and making a best friend. They touch on the difficulties men face in making close friends and offer low-hanging fruit for maintaining existing friendships with minimal effort.
Making friends as an adult requires effort and intentionality, focusing on shared vulnerability and adapting to the different infrastructure of adulthood.
Engaging in activities of interest and joining recurring groups or clubs can provide opportunities for repeated interactions and deepen connections.
Initiating and pursuing connections with people who show interest and reciprocation is crucial for building meaningful friendships, while not dwelling on rejection and assuming positive intentions.
Transitioning from acquaintances to close friends involves creating shared experiences, building exclusivity, and being proactive in exploring more personal topics.
Deep dives
Creating Meaningful Adult Friendships
Making friends as an adult can be challenging due to a lack of organic interactions and shared vulnerability. Unlike in school, where we have repeated, unplanned interactions, as adults, we don't have similar spaces for friendships to form naturally. To overcome this, it is essential to recognize and adapt to the different infrastructure of adulthood, understanding that friendships require effort and intentionality. One way to make friends is by engaging in activities you're interested in and joining recurring groups or clubs. These provide opportunities for repeated interactions and the mere exposure effect can play a role in deepening connections. Additionally, don't be afraid to engage in meaningful conversations and show vulnerability. Research shows that people appreciate and value vulnerability more than we think, and it can lead to stronger friendships. By assuming that people like you and focusing on signals of safety, you can shift your mindset and create more meaningful connections.
Navigating Work Friendships
Making friends at work can be beneficial for job satisfaction and engagement. While concerns of trust and boundaries can arise, research shows that most people have positive experiences with workplace friendships. By moving beyond just discussing work-related topics and sharing other aspects of our lives, we can deepen connections. Exploring common interests, hobbies, and personal accomplishments can create a foundation for stronger friendships. Additionally, varying the settings in which we interact with colleagues, such as social events or activities outside of work, can help foster connections beyond the professional setting. It's essential to strike a balance between work and personal conversations to develop more meaningful relationships.
Overcoming Rejection and Building Close Friendships
Rejection is a common fear when trying to make friends, but it is crucial not to take it personally. It's important to remember that rejection does not define our worth and that finding true friendships requires effort and risk-taking. Instead of dwelling on rejection, focus on initiating and pursuing connections with people who show interest and reciprocation. It's also beneficial to explore groups or activities during life transitions, as people in these situations tend to be more open to forming new friendships. By assuming positive intentions, taking initiative, and creating exclusive experiences with potential friends, you can build closer relationships over time.
Moving from Acquaintances to Close Friends
Transitioning from acquaintances to close friends requires creating shared experiences and building exclusivity. Simply being in the same club or group is not enough. By initiating one-on-one activities outside of the group, such as coffee dates or attending recurring events together, you can foster deeper connections. It's important to be proactive in gently pushing the boundaries of the relationship and exploring more personal topics. Building shared memories and inside jokes helps create a sense of belonging and exclusivity. Remember, making friends as an adult requires taking the initiative, but as relationships develop, the effort can naturally become more balanced.
The Science of Attachment and Building Deep Friendships
In this podcast episode, Dr. Marissa G. Franco discusses the science of attachment and how it can help us make and keep meaningful friendships. She emphasizes the importance of generating exclusivity in our friendships by expanding our topics of conversation beyond the usual and exploring shared experiences. Dr. Franco also highlights the red flags and green flags to look out for in friendships, such as toxic behavior and genuine support. She discusses the impact of differences in friendships, suggesting that certain types of differences can expand our identities while others can make us feel unsafe. Additionally, she shares insights on maintaining friendships across different phases of life and offers practical tips for deepening existing friendships or making new ones. Overall, the episode provides valuable insights on building and nurturing fulfilling friendships.
Navigating Friendships in Different Life Stages
One of the challenges discussed in this podcast episode is navigating friendships in different life stages. Dr. Marissa G. Franco addresses the common issue of people in specific life phases only wanting to hang out with others in the same phase, leading to limited new friendships and strained existing connections. She encourages open-mindedness and reaching out to friends who might be in different life stages, reminding listeners that their desire for connection can still be present even if their priorities and circumstances have changed. Dr. Franco suggests maintaining optimism and initiating conversations with friends, ensuring mutuality and considering the friend's circumstances. She acknowledges the complexities of friendship dynamics based on different stages of life and highlights the importance of self-awareness and recognizing personal capacities for engaging in relationships.
Overcoming Judgments and Cultivating Connection
When moving to a new town with a different cultural or religious environment, it's common to feel judged and to unintentionally judge others. Dr. Marissa G. Franco advises maintaining connections with people who make you feel comfortable and loved, as loneliness can lead to increased cynicism and negativity. She also suggests seeking out social groups related to your interests or specific experiences, mentioning the possibility of finding niches outside of the average population. Dr. Franco encourages honesty with oneself about capacity for connection and willingness to engage with people who perceive the world differently. By understanding the impact of loneliness and being willing to explore new friendships, individuals can cultivate a sense of community and connection in unfamiliar environments.
I am so excited to welcome Dr. Marisa G. Franco as today’s guest. Marisa is a professor, psychologist, and author of a new book, Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends, which just came out this week. She’s been featured in media outlets like Good Morning America, The Today Show, The New York Times, and NPR and has spent her career studying the science and research behind friendship. On this episode we talk about:
why it’s so hard to make friends as an adult
the best trick for turning work friends into real friends
simple tricks to make people like you more
the best places to make new friends
how to make friends outside of your own race, age, or socioeconomic background
the single rule that will change how you approach making friends
the best friend dates
exactly how to have the conversations that deepen friendships (without feeling like you’re making all the effort)
how to turn acquaintances into close friends
how to make a BEST friend
what to do if you feel like you keep getting rejected by potential friends
the biggest green flags and red flags to look for when choosing new friends
what to do when your friends have babies, get married, or otherwise enter different life phases
low-hanging fruit for maintaining existing friendships with as little effort as possible
how to makes friends with people who uplevel your life
why it tends to be harder for men to make close friends (and how to help them!)
how to make friends when you don’t vibe with any of the people who live by you
We would LOVE to hear from you any thoughts, reactions, or takeaways you have as you’re listening, so definitely screenshot and tag me @lizmoody and Marisa @drmarisagfranco on Instagram.
This episode is sponsored by Thrive Market. Go to thrivemarket.com/healthiertogether to join Thrive Market today and get $80 in free groceries.
This episode is sponsored by Seed. You can get 15% off your first month’s supply of Seed’s DS-01™ Daily Synbiotic by going to seed.com/daily-synbiotic and using the code LIZMOODY.
This episode is sponsored by Paleovalley. Head over to paleovalley.com and use the code LIZM for 15% off.
Healthier Together cover art by Zack. Healthier Together music by Alex Ruimy.
