Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker field the listeners' March entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are the quiet honour of spotting how much added time there will be before the fourth official holds the board aloft, the curious lack of a genuine market leader for shin pads, the aesthetics of long-range efforts going in at the near post and the anxiety of trying to choose which game to follow during the overlapping Premier League games on Amazon Prime.

Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel wonder if you can use "leading the line" for a centre-back and enjoy an egregious example of footballspeak on American TV.

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