In this episode of How to be a Terrible Daughter, we take a stroll through the exhausting, often invisible labor of loneliness that comes with having a narcissistic parent. This isn’t the kind of loneliness where you finally get some peace and quiet—no, this is more like an unpaid internship where you’re emotionally drained and questioning your life choices daily. It's the kind of loneliness that’s so deeply ingrained in your reality that you might start believing it's normal. We explore how this brand of loneliness shapes your relationships and why your siblings might carry completely different scars despite growing up in the same emotional funhouse. And let’s not forget the coping mechanisms we’ve developed to survive—those trusty tools that, surprise, often keep us shackled to the very people we’d love to avoid.
We dive into the lasting damage that persists even after the narcissist has made their grand exit, and how to break out of the “can’t win” cages they so meticulously build. For those who like to turn lemons into something a bit stronger, we share how to transform that pile of trauma into “F*ck You Fuel” to power your way forward. By the end of this episode, you’ll hopefully feel a little less alone, a little more understood, and maybe even ready to give a mental high-five to your past self for making it this far.
We’re so happy to be here with you. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to automatically get all of the new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at H2Bterrible@gmail.com!
What We Cover In This Episode:
• What to understand about the difference between loneliness and being alone [3:01]
• How Megan learned to handle feeling the intense hunger for emotional connection and the way she started to feel disconnected from her own self [6:45]
• Why the coping skills we put in place often allow the abuser to keep abusing us [13:16
• The “can’t win” situation narcissists often put us in and the way out of this cage [17:06]
• How your experience with loneliness will be different than that of your siblings and why we feel this happens in so many families [22:13]
• A look at intergenerational trauma and the damage that may last forever even after the narcissist is gone [26:59]
• What Megan is doing to turn trauma into “F*ck You Fuel” [30:00]
• Our “Mini Crazy Mom Offs” centered around the theme of gift giving for the both of us [34:38]
• The tools we used to cope this week that led to the release of tension and helped combat the loneliness we feel [46:19]
Links & Resources:
To Make a Friend, Ask Someone For a Favor. | Psychology Today
Song learning and social interaction in indigo buntings
THE LONELIEST WHALE | Official Trailer | Bleecker Street
Noah Rothschild IBP Introduction to Sustaining Constancy Breathwork Series