‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the city

Not a creature was maskless, not even a mouse, itty bitty.

No one was stirring as the new world unfurled.

Sheeple abound at the end of their tether,

As anarchy spread and the vaxxed just got deader.

Young superspreaders lay snug in their beds,

With visions of TikTok a’twirl in their heads.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my TV to see what’s the matter.

And there on the road, blocking the way

A little old man in his shiny red sleigh

The pigs were riled up, in no mood for a scene

They wanted him gone, they were tired and mean

“This place is on lockdown, We’re in quarantine!”

When what to my wondering eyes did appear,

Eight socially distanced, devil-horned reindeer.

They were the Obama Dancer, the Kanadian Prancer, and Boris the Chancer,

Joe Stupid, Donkey Dentures Ardencide and Bill Necromancer,

Klaus the Beast and the Soul Snatcher Down Under.

“But I come here each year!” Old Nick said with poise

“I have brought gifts and goodies, for the good girls and boys.”

‘Twas the good Dr. Fraudci, dispelling our fear.

A lively old doctor so truthful and wise

We knew in a moment he’d tell us no lies!

His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples, how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry.

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the hair on his head was as white as the snow;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head

Soon let me know I had nothing to dread;

He said, “Come sit on my lap and through my injection,

I’ll shoot my load and

Keep you safe from infection.”

He spoke no more word, but went straight to his work,

With a shifty grin and a shady smirk.

He sprang to his sleigh, gathering his crew,

And with a last spritz of Purell, away they all flew.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight —

“No need to fear”… as ever polite.

“Thank you for bending without a fight,

“Now say farewell to your life and your rights!”

For something else that’s a little different than usual, enjoy Lucy and Jeff’s Christmas Cheer Special.