AMA—Anxiously Attached Person, Emotions and Men, Accepting Your Partner as They Are - Jayson and Ellen - 429

Taber asks, “I’m an anxiously attached person and it’s become clear to me that it doesn’t work for me that my partner talks to another woman every day, behind my back. I have found proof that he has crossed the line with her before, and with anxious attachment I am not in a healthy enough place to accept him continuing friendship with this person. I’m welcoming advice on how to set this boundary for myself without just ending the relationship, and I certainly don’t want to give an ultimatum. I’m new to this and need to set my mind free.” 

Lestie wonders, “What do you simply accept in a relationship in the other, as opposed to trying to change it? I.e., one of you is clean, the other is messy, one is punctual, other is never on time…  I’m having difficulty knowing what to and what not to address. I know Gottmans says 69% of issues in relationships aren’t resolved and it’s more about how you communicate about them than trying to change them, and where to draw the line? Some of these issues really bother me. I also tend to fall into the fixing role and can be a perfectionist, and I’m not wanting to do that in my relationship.”

Angela asks, “Why do men view emotional development work as weak? I’m trying to put more insight into understanding this concept in society. I do understand society has had some old idealism about masculinity, not being in touch with emotions, and not being able to be as vulnerable because it’s seen as weakness, but I’d love to understand the depth of this and what’s really going on.” 

Join Ellen and Jayson’s in-depth chat as they talk through your questions in this Ask me Anything episode unpacking boundaries, insecure attachment dynamics, acceptance, and the systemic effect that is at play with men and their emotional landscape. 

Useful Links: