The Whole Parent Podcast How To Stay Regulated While Your Kids Battle Over A Lego #46
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In today’s episode, Jon returns to the show’s original format—raw, unscripted, brain-based parenting questions—this time focused entirely on sibling dynamics. If you have more than one child (or plan to), this might be one of the most clarifying episodes you ever listen to.
Inside this episode:
Why kids compete… why they fight over nothing… why your nervous system spirals in the cross-fire… and the realistic brain-based tools parents can use to survive those hot-cold sibling dynamics without losing themselves.
What We Cover
1. Why Sibling Rivalry Is Normal
Kids don’t choose their siblings.
They don’t choose their living arrangement.
And unlike adult relationships, they can’t leave or create space.
Jon unpacks why built-in competition, developmental limitations, and underdeveloped emotional regulation make conflict inevitable—and why none of this means anything is “wrong” with your family.
2. Regulating Your Nervous System First
Listener Question: “How do I stay calm when their chaos instantly spikes my anxiety?”
Jon explains:
- Why your body responds like it’s an emergency
- Why entering the conflict dysregulated makes the conflict worse
- The power of taking 30–40 seconds before jumping in
- Quick grounding tools (breathing, sensory checks, tapping, internal scripts like “I’m safe, they’re safe, this is not an emergency”)
- How your energy sets the emotional temperature of the room
This is one of those “if you remember nothing else, remember this” moments.
3. Opposite Temperaments & Constant Clashing
Listener Question: “One kid is sensitive, one is impulsive—they constantly trigger each other. How do I help them get along?”
Jon dives into:
- The difference between describing temperament vs prescribing it
- Why comparison creates competition
- Why kids don’t need fewer shared moments—they need more positive moments
- How to create “positive association loops” in the sibling relationship
- What it means to aim for 51% positive interactions
This is less about fixing fights and more about building a foundation for lifelong friendship.
4. Sharing Without Meltdowns
Listener Question: “Both of my kids fight over everything—even stuff they didn’t care about five minutes ago.”
Jon covers:
- Why sharing is developmentally unnatural
- Why kids experience loss aversion when giving something up
- The game-changing strategy:
Every child gets a small box of “non-sharing” items. Everything else becomes community property. - Why this instantly calms power struggles
- How to use quick “attention flips” to reduce sharing meltdowns in the moment
- And how to speak self-fulfilling prophecies:
“You’re such a good sharer.”
Big Takeaways
- Your calm nervous system is more powerful than any script.
- Siblings don’t need perfect harmony—they need repetition of positive experiences.
- Sharing starts with autonomy, not forced generosity.
- You’re not trying to prevent every fight.
You’re playing the long game—raising adults who can have a lifelong relationship with each other.
If This Episode Helped You…
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