EP 10 Narcissistic parents with Helen Villiers & Katie McKenna
Mar 29, 2023
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Psychotherapists Helen Villiers and Katie McKenna discuss the dynamics of narcissistic parents and the effects of emotional abuse on adult children. They explore topics such as manipulation tactics, codependency, healing from past relational patterns, toxic positivity, and the need for safe relationships and therapy.
Validation of experiences and feelings is crucial for survivors of narcissistic parenting.
Differentiating healthy narcissism from toxic narcissism is essential in understanding the impact of narcissistic parents.
Recognizing and challenging self-gaslighting, embracing anger, and setting boundaries are vital for children raised by narcissistic parents.
Deep dives
Summary of Podcast Episode: Healing from Narcissistic Parenting
The podcast episode features two psychotherapists, Helen Villers and Katie McKenna, who specialize in narcissism and parentification. They discuss the impact of growing up with a narcissistic parent and how it affects an individual's sense of self and relationships. They emphasize the importance of validating one's experiences and feelings, as many survivors of narcissistic parenting are often gaslit and told their feelings are invalid. The therapists explain the traits of narcissistic personality disorder and how it impacts children. They also discuss trauma responses, such as fawning and people-pleasing, that develop as survival mechanisms. They highlight the significance of identifying and breaking free from the trauma patterns and finding healing in safe relationships.
Understanding Narcissism and Toxic Positivity
The therapists delve into the concept of narcissism, distinguishing healthy narcissism from toxic narcissism. They explore the traits associated with narcissistic personality disorder, including grandiosity, entitlement, exploitation, impaired empathy, and impaired self-awareness. They discuss the manipulation tactics used by narcissistic parents, such as triangulation and gaslighting, which invalidate a child's experiences. They debunk the misconception that narcissism is just a buzzword or a millennial invention. Additionally, they delve into the dangers of toxic positivity, where one invalidates another's experiences and emotions by promoting constant positivity and shaming negative feelings. They highlight the importance of acknowledging and validating one's anger and emotions as a means of reclaiming agency and setting boundaries.
The Weight of Responsibility and Self-Gaslighting
The therapists address the weight of responsibility placed on children raised by narcissistic parents, particularly parentified children. They highlight how parentification robs children of their own identities and forces them to prioritize their parent's needs over their own. They discuss the internalization of self-gaslighting, where individuals minimize their own experiences and doubts their own perceptions. They stress the significance of recognizing and challenging self-gaslighting, embracing anger as a purposeful emotion, and differentiating healthy entitlement from toxic entitlement. The therapists also touch upon the dynamics between narcissistic parents and their siblings, emphasizing the importance of awareness and empathy when navigating complex family dynamics.
Finding Healing and Liberation
The therapists discuss the healing journey from narcissistic parenting and highlight the liberation that comes with breaking free from the trauma patterns. They emphasize the importance of creating safe relationships where individuals can grieve, grow, and explore their true identities. They challenge the notion of toxic positivity and encourage the validation of one's experiences, emotions, and trauma responses. The therapists share insights on how safe relationships, therapy, and self-reflection can help individuals reclaim their autonomy and heal from the effects of narcissistic parenting, ultimately finding liberation from the weight of responsibility and redefining their own narratives.
Recognizing the Cycle of Abuse
In this podcast episode, the speaker shares their personal experience with a narcissistic parent and the cycle of abuse they endured. They discuss how the fear of challenging the parent and the conditioning to protect the parent's image prevented them from setting healthy boundaries and speaking up for themselves. The speaker reflects on the importance of recognizing emotional abuse, even if societal norms may downplay its severity. They also emphasize the need to break the cycle of abuse and establish healthier dynamics in their own parenting journey.
Finding the Middle Ground in Parenting
The podcast episode highlights the challenges of parenting with a narcissistic parent blueprint and the pendulum swing it can create. The speaker talks about the inclination to either replicate the same parenting style or overcompensate by being overly permissive. Instead, they advocate for finding a healthy middle ground that allows children to experience disappointment, set boundaries, and manage their own emotions. They stress the importance of regulating oneself as a parent, accepting imperfections, and teaching children to navigate challenging emotions and situations as part of their growth.
on this episode host Harriet Shearsmith speaks to psychotherapists Helen Villiers and Katie McKenna who specialise in working with adult children of narcissistic parents, healing the effects of parentification and emotional abuse.
You can find Helen on instagram & tiktok via @liberationhelen or on facebook with Liberation Therapy and you can find Katie on instagram and tiktok via @katiemckennapsychotherapist . They have a joint podcast called In Sight - Exposing Narcissism whihc you can find on any streaming platform.
