313 Rejection Sensitivity Is Real (But I Reject RSD)
Apr 29, 2025
50:38
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Quick takeaways
Rejection sensitivity, while often intense for those with ADHD, is not a disorder but rather a heightened emotional response to perceived rejection.
Coping strategies such as disengagement and people-pleasing may stem from childhood experiences, emphasizing the need for therapeutic interventions to foster personal growth.
Deep dives
Understanding Rejection Sensitivity
Rejection sensitivity refers to the heightened emotional response individuals with ADHD often experience towards perceived rejection. This response can occur even in benign social situations where no actual rejection has taken place; individuals may create rejection scenarios in their minds, leading to overwhelming feelings of shame, fear, or guilt. Such emotional pain is a common theme for those with ADHD, stemming from repeated experiences of rejection in various life contexts, including family, education, and social interactions. This underscores the importance of recognizing that these intense feelings are part of a broader pattern of rejection sensitivity rather than isolated incidents.
Impact of Family Dynamics
Family systems play a crucial role in shaping one's experience of rejection sensitivity, particularly during childhood. Many individuals with ADHD may have grown up in dysfunctional families where caregiving lacked empathy, leading them to internalize feelings of inadequacy and rejection from an early age. Such experiences create a lasting impact, leading individuals to associate rejection with danger and to adopt coping mechanisms that often include disengagement, people-pleasing, or perfectionism. Understanding this connection can empower individuals to address their emotional wounds and foster healthier relationships as adults.
Coping Mechanisms and Misconceptions
Common coping strategies for people with ADHD include disengagement from social situations to avoid potential rejection, as well as people-pleasing behaviors aimed at ensuring social acceptance. However, these coping mechanisms can lead to increased anxiety and hinder personal growth, reinforcing a cycle of avoidance and fear. There's a strong emphasis on the misconception that rejection sensitivity is purely genetic and unchangeable, bolstered by the term rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), which some practitioners assert is a brain-based issue not significantly influenced by therapy. This approach may disregard the potential for therapeutic interventions to facilitate healing and personal development, which many individuals have found beneficial.
Empowerment Through Healing
While the experience of rejection sensitivity is profound, it is possible to work through and overcome its effects through various methods, including therapy and community support. Emphasizing a holistic approach, individuals are encouraged to explore trauma-informed therapies and other resources that address the underlying issues of their rejection responses. Medication can play a supportive role, offering temporary relief that allows individuals to engage more fully in therapeutic work. Ultimately, the focus should be on empowering individuals with ADHD to navigate their rejection sensitivity in a way that fosters understanding, healing, and personal growth rather than viewing it as an inescapable deficit.
Rejection hurts—especially when you have ADHD. For years, the term Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) has helped many of us put language to that experience. But in this episode, I explain why I’m no longer using that term—and what I’m saying instead.
We’ll cover:
What rejection sensitivity actually is
Why it makes total sense (and it's not a disorder)
What’s problematic about the term RSD...in my opinion
What the research really says about rejection and ADHD
How trauma, therapy, coaching, and yes—medication—can all help
This episode is validating, spicy, and rooted in both lived experience and science. Let’s talk about rejection sensitivity in a way that empowers us to heal.
