Ask Casey Episode 2 Setting Screen Time Limits

A question from Maria…

My 6yo loves his ipad and tv, like I'm sure they all do. I don't allow him to play non-stop and he's generally ok with boundaries. My issue is he's always asking. ALWAYS. I'm forever saying no, or later, or ok for half an hour, or after you do this or that. I'm the bad guy when he really wants to and I'd rather he do something more constructive. I'd like to put the power in his hands, instead of mine, but how. I thought about giving him a weekly limit and letting him go free, when his limit is met, no more screens. But how, he's 6 and doesn't really get time management. Plus, school days vs weekends (and now summer) are different. Right now he doesn't have homework, but when he does, screens should be very limited (I'd imagine) and I don't want to break a habit when that starts. On the weekends, in the morning, he gets to play/watch until dad and I get up and make breakfast. Than maybe more later, but it depends on what we're doing. Ugh this is only going to get worse when he gets older. I'd like to set some limits he can follow on his own, so I'm not the dictator. One that won't allow him to be on it for hours. His attitude is awful if he's been playing a long time, shoot that happens to me too! 

• I am not an expert on screen time – we are first generation of parents parenting kids with crazy access to screens, also we are the first parents to ALSO have this access.
• We are the models
• Time on the screens is time not connecting with other human beings in our life
• Root of the problem is disconnection
• No perfect answer
• No screens Vs No Limits
• Lots of room in the middle for skill development, self regulation practice, time management exploration
• Have a conversation about what you are noticing and invite him to speak into his experience
• Look at the week and the days – then decide what could work for you, what he would like, whiddle it down to a place where you are both satisfied
• Blog posts:
• Earning Privileges
• Earning Privileges, Revisited
• No magic number of miutes
• Comes down to provide an opportunity for your six year old to be a part of the problem solving process
• We must give them experience for practicing negotiating, offer/counter offer
• Notice rigidity
• Showing up with your plan in mind will not be helpful
• Go into the conversation to deeply listen and be open minded
• Use visuals so that he knows when screen time is
• Give opportunities to be autonomous
• Try the solution for a week and revisit – tweak if necessary
• Our children are full of creative ideas
• When we are a part of the problem solving, we are more likely to follow through with the solution
• Use daily special time to connect and continue to strengthen relationship
• When we strengthen relationship with our kids we are increasing our kids sense of belonging and significance
• When you notice things are challenging, turn your lens towards the relationship

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