New Year's Resolution: Aka, "How Do I Get My Kid To....?"
Jan 16, 2024
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The podcast discusses intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation, natural consequences, coping skills, and ambivalence towards change. They share advice for parents, laugh about a story from their book, and wish everyone a happy new year.
Intrinsic motivation leads to excellence and mental health, unlike extrinsic motivators like rewards or fear of punishment.
Guiding kids to recognize personal benefits of change fosters intrinsic motivation over imposing external motives.
Deep dives
Importance of Intrinsic Motivation
Intrinsic motivation involves self-fueled actions that are enjoyable or personally significant. Such motivation leads to heightened neurochemistry of drive and increased alertness to mistakes. Intrinsic motivation contributes to excellence, higher performance, positive mental health, unlike extrinsic motivators like rewards or fear of punishment.
Science of Motivation and Change
The focus on helping children find their own reasons for change is emphasized. Motivational interviewing and self-affirmation theory are highlighted as tools to encourage intrinsic motivation. Facilitating change involves guiding kids to recognize why change is beneficial for their own interests rather than imposing external motives.
Natural Consequences and Coping
The concept of natural consequences is discussed where actions result in outcomes without external intervention. Engaging in problem-solving and coping independently activates the prefrontal cortex, reducing stress responses. By allowing kids to face challenges and manage them, they develop resilience and decision-making skills.
Parenting Reset and Apologies
Parents are advised to reset relationships by acknowledging past shortcomings in trying to control or direct their children. By expressing confidence in kids' abilities to make decisions and learn from mistakes, trust and respect are nurtured. Apologizing for past approaches and shifting towards supporting children's self-directed paths fosters autonomy and positive development.
In this episode, I have a great conversation with my co-author and friend Dr. Bill Stixrud about motivation and change, especially as we start a new year. We discuss the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation and how to help kids find their own internal drive.
Dr. Bill Stixrud is a clinical neuropsychologist and author. We have co-authored two books together - The Self-Driven Child and What Do You Say? He brings a wealth of knowledge about the adolescent brain and supporting kids' development.
Episode Highlights: [02:18] - Sharing my own New Year's resolutions as an example. [05:03] - Explaining intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation. [06:16] - Discussing natural consequences using a story about my tractor. [09:39] - Connecting coping skills to motivation and change. [11:27] - Talking about the ambivalence people feel around change. [14:51] - Sharing a story about motivational interviewing and drug use. [20:32] - Emphasizing you can't force someone to change. [26:22] - Offering advice for parents who want to reset their approach. [30:14] - Laughing about a story from our new book. [33:51] - Wishing everyone a happy new year!
If this episode has struck a chord with you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. Here's to growing, learning, and thriving as adults in this wild world. Until next time!
If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com
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