The Self-Driven Child

In this episode, I’m joined by my dear friend and co-author, Dr. Bill Stixrud. We dive into a topic that’s been at the heart of so many recent conversations: how schools can do a better job supporting students’ mental health, motivation, and overall well-being.Bill and I have spent a lot of time lately visiting schools, giving talks, and listening—really listening—to what kids are telling us about their experience in today’s education system. We’re talking chronic stress, anxiety, and a relentless pressure to perform that’s robbing too many students of joy and curiosity. In this episode, we explore why this is happening, how schools got here, and most importantly, what we can do to change it. From the science of autonomy to the powerful impact of rethinking homework, we unpack real strategies that can make school a place of growth, not just grades. Episode Highlights:[1:07] – A student’s bold question about homework and mental health gets a thunderous response.[2:25] – Why we took a hard look at public schools in our new book’s bonus chapter.[3:29] – The critical role of autonomy in mental health and intrinsic motivation.[5:03] – Two big opportunities for schools: more voice and healthier environments.[6:16] – Striking data: mental health outcomes are worse during the school year.[8:14] – Students share how their lives revolve around impressing college admissions officers.[11:00] – Why school often ignores what neuroscience says about how brains actually learn.[13:32] – A principal shadows students for a day—and is shocked by the experience.[14:30] – The importance of downtime and unstructured moments between classes.[16:33] – Three steps for teachers to reflect on the purpose and impact of homework.[18:28] – Low intrinsic motivation is linked to nearly every mental health issue.[19:34] – A bold shift: one district makes homework optional and ungraded.[22:17] – How over-emphasizing homework can backfire on learning and wellness.[23:14] – Reducing content, adding autonomy: how med schools improved outcomes.[24:56] – Can we build schools that foster joy, not just performance?[29:47] – Inspire, don’t require: how one school reimagined homework.[34:31] – Collaborating across schools and communities to create real change.[36:14] – Parents can respectfully ask for the evidence behind educational practices.[38:21] – Radical downtime, meditation, and how calmer minds lead to better learning.[39:59] – Final thoughts: Let's reframe schools as places of growth, joy, and human development. Links & Resources:https://www.cdc.gov/classroom-management/approaches/student-autonomy-empowerment.html https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/childrens-risk-of-suicide-increases-on-school-days/ https://news.yale.edu/2020/01/30/national-survey-students-feelings-about-high-school-are-mostly-negative If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

If you’ve ever looked at your kid’s school and thought, “Is this really the best we can do?”—this episode is for you. I sat down with the incredible Jenee Henry Wood, a national leader in community-based school design, and co-author of Extraordinary Learning for All. We dive deep into why our current educational system—designed a hundred years ago for a very different world—often fails to meet the needs of today’s young people, and what it would look like to redesign schools to actually serve them better.Jenee brings so much wisdom, humor, and hope to this conversation. We talk about the real challenges of educational reform, how parents and students can become catalysts for change, and what it takes to create schools that are co-owned and co-loved by the communities they serve. Trust me, this isn’t your typical education podcast—it’s a call to action rooted in agency, relevance, and hope. Episode Highlights:[0:00] - Introducing the episode and our latest book, The Self-Driven Child Workbook [1:44] - What does it mean to redesign schools—and are today’s schools meeting kids’ needs? [3:01] - Jenee Henry Wood shares her background and mission with Transcend Education [5:46] - The “three big ideas” behind redesigning education: design awareness, prioritizing experience, and community-based transformation [11:15] - Why the old model of school no longer fits the world our kids are inheriting [12:52] - The politics of change: why we stall at the 20% we disagree on [15:07] - What kids and parents really want from school (hint: it’s not just test prep) [17:22] - The power of voice, agency, and building trust in the redesign process [20:56] - A powerful story from North Dakota about shifting from imposed solutions to shared ownership [24:31] - How to start a redesign process—yes, even without a superintendent's blessing [26:54] - Jenee’s message of hope: “Institutions are of us, from us. Change starts with you.” Links & Resources:Transcend Academy Website: https://transcendeducation.org/ Extraordinary Learning for All: How Communities Design Schools Where Everyone Thrives: https://www.amazon.com/Extraordinary-Learning-All-Communities-Everyone/dp/1394230540 If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

In this very special episode, I sit down with my friend and co-author Dr. Bill Stixrud to celebrate the arrival of our third “baby” — our brand new book, The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child: A Workbook. If you’ve ever read our earlier books (The Self-Driven Child and What Do You Say?), and found yourself thinking, “I love these ideas, but how do I actually apply them?”—this episode (and this book!) is for you. We created this workbook to help you go beyond the theory and actually make the Self-Driven Child way your way.Bill and I unpack the inspiration behind the workbook and walk through the seven core principles that anchor it. We talk about everything from building calm, connected homes to the delicate art of motivating kids without trying to change them. Along the way, we share powerful stories from families we’ve worked with, lessons from years of practice, and candid reflections from our own parenting journeys. This episode has actionable insights to support you—and your kids—in building a happier, healthier, and more autonomous life. Episode Highlights:[0:00] - Kicking things off with the big news: our new book has officially launched![3:00] - Why we wrote a workbook and how it supports parents in putting ideas into practice.[6:24] - How old myths about parenting can derail connection, and why reflecting is essential.[8:39] - Real-life stories of transformation when parents shift their approach.[11:15] - It takes practice to make new parenting habits stick—why this book is about just that.[13:25] - Diving into the first principle: “Put connection first” and why it matters most.[15:00] - Principle #2: Be a consultant, not the boss—fostering autonomy through trust.[16:19] - Communicating healthy vs. toxic expectations—and the power of belief in your kid.[17:33] - Why kids need an accurate model of reality (and success isn't a straight line).[21:03] - Motivating kids without trying to change them—how to be more effective and empathetic.[24:22] - The critical role of being a non-anxious presence and how it strengthens the whole family.[25:14] - Principle #6: Practicing radical digital downtime for mental clarity and brain health.[26:26] - Bonus chapter! What education could look like if we built it around brains, not just grades.[33:51] - Our favorite exercises from the workbook—and how they’ll help you build connection and effectiveness. Links & Resources:To order The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child: A Workbook: https://politics-prose.com/book/9780143138259 If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

If you've ever felt like the challenges of school, stress, and expectations are just too much, you’re not alone. In this episode, I sit down with the incredible Riana Alexander, a college freshman and mental health advocate, who turned her own struggles into a movement for change. Riana opens up about her journey—from a high-achieving student battling anxiety and depression to the founder of Arizona Students for Mental Health, a nonprofit dedicated to improving mental health resources in schools. We also dive into her fight for change within her school district, the resistance she faced, and the powerful impact she and her peers have made.We also discuss the misconceptions around mental health, the role schools should play in student well-being, and how adults can better support struggling teens. If you’re a student, a parent, or an educator, this conversation will challenge and inspire you. A quick content note: We do discuss suicidal ideation and suicide in this episode. If you or someone you know needs support, call 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.Episode Highlights:[3:10] – Meet Riana: A college student, mental health advocate, and founder of Arizona Students for Mental Health. [5:49] – Riana’s struggle with anxiety and depression during high school and how she found her way forward. [7:55] – The disconnect between academic pressure and mental health—and how schools often miss the signs. [12:45] – The tragic events that sparked Riana’s advocacy work. [15:40] – Facing school board resistance: “This isn’t a school problem”. [25:42] – How student-led advocacy finally pushed the district to take action. [30:29] – The launch of the Hope Institute and its life-saving impact. [32:34] – What adults can do to support struggling teens. [42:16] – The importance of asking direct questions about mental health. [49:27] – Why open conversations and community involvement are key to change.Links & Resources:Suicide Prevention Hotline: https://988lifeline.org/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=onebox How to talk to someone who may be in crisis: https://jedfoundation.org/resource/how-to-ask-someone-if-theyre-thinking-about-suicide/ Washington Post article featuring Riana Alexander https://wapo.st/3Qvyyd7 Arizona Students For Mental Health: Website: https://azstudentsformenta.wixsite.com/azsfmh Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/azstudentsformentalhealth/ Children's Risk of Suicide Rises on School Days: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/childrens-risk-of-suicide-increases-on-school-days/ If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Hey folks, Ned here! You know how much we all want our kids and students to thrive, but sometimes, despite our best efforts, it feels like we’re stuck in the same old patterns that just don’t work. That’s why I’m thrilled about today’s episode. We’re talking about the concept of student autonomy—why it’s crucial for engagement, learning, and even mental health. And joining me is someone who’s not just talking about change but making it happen: longtime educator and reformer Mike Nicholson.Mike has spent decades in education, from being a teacher to a superintendent to a consultant, and now he’s working directly with schools to help them give students more meaningful control over their learning. We talk about what happens when students have more agency, the impact of constant micromanagement in schools, and how even small changes—like making homework optional—can lead to huge shifts. If you’ve ever wondered why student engagement drops as they move through school or how we can turn things around, this conversation is for you! Episode Highlights:[2:46] – Mike Nicholson’s journey in education and why he’s passionate about student autonomy.[4:42] – The shocking decline of student engagement as they progress through school.[6:44] – Why behaviorism (carrots and sticks) isn’t working in education.[10:49] – What educators discover when they shadow students for a full school day.[14:23] – Would any adult willingly go through what we put students through?[22:04] – What school handbooks reveal about the culture of control in education.[33:09] – The case for making homework optional—especially in math![41:46] – A real-world example of a school successfully giving students more control.[45:51] – Shifting school from something kids "have to do" to something they want to do. Links & Resources:Learning InspirED: https://www.learninspired.org/ Download the Autonomy Breakdown: https://drive.google.com/file/d/13O75KCX6TFUPZ8jK6W2aYOlY7M_eWyLD/view If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

What if some of the people on your team weren’t actually working—but just good at looking busy? In this episode, I sit down with Yegor Denisov-Blanch to discuss a fascinating and troubling trend in the tech world: ghost engineers. These are software developers whose productivity is so low that they barely contribute—yet they manage to stay employed. Yegor, a researcher dedicated to improving software engineering performance, dives into what causes this phenomenon, why it’s more common than you’d think, and how it affects company culture, team morale, and overall efficiency. But instead of just calling them out, his goal is to understand why this happens—and how to fix it.We also explore how the same disengagement issues that plague workplaces show up in schools. Yegor shares his own unconventional education journey, having dropped out of the traditional system at 14, teaching himself to code, and later excelling in university. What does this say about the way we measure productivity and success—not just in work, but in learning?  Episode Highlights:[00:49] - What exactly is a ghost engineer, and why are companies unknowingly paying them?[03:41] - The research behind software engineer performance and why measuring it has been difficult.[06:38] - How ghost engineers operate—are they just lazy, or is there something deeper going on?[10:41] - The surprising psychological and workplace culture factors that push employees toward disengagement.[15:22] - The role of trust in the workplace and why micromanagement can actually increase disengagement.[23:30] - How remote work has changed productivity—for better and worse.[25:18] - Yegor’s unconventional education journey: Dropping out of 8th grade, starting a business at 14, and later graduating top of his class.[32:24] - How personalized learning and self-directed education could prevent disengagement in students before they enter the workforce.[40:30] - The bigger mission: Not just exposing ghost engineers, but fixing the system so they don’t need to exist. Links & Resources:Are ‘ghost engineers’ real? Seeking Silicon Valley’s least productive coders: https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2024/12/08/ghost-engineers-programming-productivity-coding/ Stanford Research: Measuring Software Engineering Productivity: https://dpe.org/sessions/simon-obstbaum-yegor-denisov-blanch/stanford-research-measuring-software-engineering-productivity/ If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

In this episode, I sit down with Amy Buckman, an incredible educator and school counselor from Ohio. Amy has spent 19 years helping students navigate everything from mental health challenges to career counseling, all while motivating them to achieve their goals. We dive deep into the concept of student autonomy and how it’s transforming schools through an innovative three-year grant program aimed at fostering student engagement and agency.Amy shares how her district is reimagining education by focusing on what really motivates students, exploring concepts like Flex Fridays, and even shadowing students to understand their daily challenges. If you’ve ever wondered how schools can adapt to meet the needs of a changing world while supporting kids’ mental health and academic growth, this episode is packed with insights you won’t want to miss! Episode Highlights:[03:13] - Amy shares her background and her role as a school counselor.[08:29] - Discussion on the three-year grant program promoting student agency.[14:17] - Insights from shadowing students to better understand their school day.[22:35] - How Flex Fridays aim to spark deeper learning and engagement.[30:55] - Overcoming systemic barriers to create better learning environments.[37:05] - The impact of giving students a voice in school decisions.[42:07] - How passion-driven learning leads to happier, more motivated students. Links & Resources:Student Autonomy & Engagement: https://www.brookings.edu/articles/the-disengagement-gap/ A School of Our Own: https://thenewpress.com/books/school-of-our-own  If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

In this follow-up episode, I continue my conversation with Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson, authors of The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better. We dive deeper into the strategies parents and educators can use to support kids who feel stuck in “passenger mode.” From fostering autonomy to the importance of relational health, Rebecca and Jenny share actionable insights grounded in science and their own life experiences.We also explore what it takes to help kids move from disengagement to becoming true “explorers,” igniting curiosity and confidence. Whether you’re a parent, teacher, or simply passionate about education, this episode offers powerful takeaways on how to redefine achievement, support mental health, and create environments where kids can thrive. Episode Highlights:[0:00] - Kicking off Part 2: How nagging impacts kids’ learning and why relational health matters. [2:29] - Tips for parents to help kids stuck in “passenger mode.” [5:09] - The importance of pursuing interests—even if it’s crocheting or skateboarding. [7:50] - A pottery class transforms one student’s approach to learning and growth. [13:05] - The role of relational health in building resilience and curiosity. [17:37] - Technology, sleep, and setting boundaries at home. [21:23] - How curiosity can help kids engage deeply in school and beyond. [30:58] - Easy, practical strategies for teachers to support autonomy and agency in classrooms. [34:08] - Final reflections on creating an environment where kids can learn, feel, and live better. Links & Resources:Rebecca and Jenny's book: The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live BetterIf this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Are you worried about how engaged your child is in school and their learning? You’re not alone. In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I sit down with two powerhouse guests—Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson—authors of the book The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better. Together, we dive into the alarming trends of disengagement among kids as they transition from tots to teens and why so many high schoolers feel disconnected from their education.Rebecca and Jenny share their personal experiences, surprising research findings, and practical strategies that empower kids to take charge of their learning. We discuss the crucial role of agency in fostering curiosity and resilience, why high achievement doesn’t have to come at the expense of mental health, and how even "problem kids" can thrive when they find their spark. This is Part 1 of our conversation, and you won’t want to miss it. Episode Highlights:[0:50] - Introduction: Why teen disengagement should concern us all.[2:00] - Meet Rebecca and Jenny: Their unique journeys into education and child development.[10:13] - The shocking statistics on student engagement: Why it plummets after third grade.[18:24] - Agency and engagement: The secret sauce for learning success.[21:23] - Four modes of student engagement: Passenger, achiever, resistor, and explorer.[28:11] - The neuroscience of nagging: Why it shuts down problem-solving in teens.[32:31] - The primal need for respect: How it shapes teen development and parent relationships. Links & Resources:Rebecca and Jenny's book: The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live BetterIf this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.  If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Ready to ignite your child’s wanderlust? In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I sit down with the incredible Blake Bole, an expert in self-directed learning and international travel for teens and young adults. From unschooling to transformative travel experiences, Blake shares how navigating the world independently helps young people develop autonomy, financial responsibility, and stress tolerance—essential skills for life. We explore the power of independent travel, the magic of gap years, and how simple, unstructured adventures can foster confidence and resilience. Episode Highlights:[00:56] - Introducing Blake Bole: A lifelong traveler and advocate for unschooling and alternative education.[03:22] - What is unschooling? Blake explains this full-time self-directed learning approach.[06:25] - How travel fosters independence and resilience in young people.[08:59] - The importance of managing money and decision-making during travel.[12:07] - Stories of thrift and teamwork among teens learning to feed themselves on a budget.[18:38] - The transformative power of gap years and independent travel experiences.[28:01] - Overcoming fears about safety and risk in travel for young people.[34:22] - Micro-adventures and creative challenges that foster self-reliance.[42:45] - Blake’s “Gap Year Launch Pad” program: A structured way to start independent travel.[48:03] - The lifelong benefits of developing autonomy, mastery, and purpose through travel. Links & Resources:Blake’s Website:  https://www.blakeboles.com/2016/10/take-self-directed-gap-year-zero-starting-funds/ The Nurture Assumption: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Nurture_Assumption If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference. If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com