PsycHacks Episode 561: The spark (dating for feels)
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Oct 13, 2025 Explore the elusive concept of 'the spark' in dating, defined as limerence, and learn why it’s often prioritized. Discover how childhood attachment templates influence romantic impulses and the importance of secure attachment for reliable connections. Uncover the dangers of following feelings blindly and the potential for dysfunctional matches, alongside practical advice on evaluating parental relationships. Remember, real affection grows slowly, so patience is key in finding lasting love.
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What The Spark Really Is
- The spark is limerence: a quickening or butterflies that pushes you to approach someone.
- It feels intense because it signals an unconscious match with your internal relationship template.
Templates Drive Attraction
- We all carry unconscious relationship templates shaped by caregivers that guide who we find attractive.
- The spark acts like signal-detection software telling you when a person matches that template.
When The Spark Is Reliable
- Securely attached people usually have templates based on stable, loving households and their spark points them toward good long-term matches.
- For them, the spark can be a fairly reliable compass in dating.
