Ep 408 When Desire Changes the Marriage with Courtney and Nathan Boyer

Zach sits down with Courtney and Nathan Boyer, a couple married for over twenty years, parenting three kids, and living overseas on a U.S. military base in Germany.

Courtney and Nathan share the story of a major turning point in their marriage—when Courtney asked to open the relationship after years of suppressing her needs, identity, and desire. Raised in a strict religious culture, Courtney explains how she spent much of her marriage prioritizing her husband’s career and her role as a mother, slowly becoming resentful and disconnected from herself. Nathan, a military physician, reflects on how his drive for achievement and constant “next step” mindset left him unaware of how much was being lost along the way.

The couple walks through the six-month conversation that followed Courtney’s request—marked by resistance, fear, patience, and an honest willingness to walk away if they couldn’t find a way forward together. Nathan shares what it was like to realize he is deeply monogamous at his core, while Courtney names polyamory as an essential part of her identity rather than a lifestyle choice.

They also talk candidly about shame, public backlash, parenting through non-traditional choices, and the surprising ways opening the relationship strengthened their emotional and sexual connection. Throughout the conversation, Zach highlights the importance of long-form conversations, adult responsibility, and the courage it takes to renegotiate a marriage rather than quietly disappear inside it.

This episode is a nuanced, human look at love, consent, identity, and what it means to grow without abandoning one another.

Key Takeaways

• Long-term marriages go through distinct cycles tied to life stages, not just emotions
  

• Suppressing needs often leads to resentment, not stability
  

• Identity shifts don’t happen overnight—they require long conversations
  

• Consent includes the real option to walk away
  

• Monogamy and polyamory can coexist in one marriage with clarity and care
  

• Erotic energy and trust can grow through expansion, not just exclusivity
  

• Adult relationships require ongoing renegotiation, not silent endurance

Guest Info

Courtney Boyer

Relationship coach, author, and creator behind The Monopoly Couple. Courtney writes and speaks about identity, desire, religious conditioning, and non-traditional relationships.

• Website: https://www.courtneyboyercoaching.com/

• Book: Opened (launching February 17)https://www.courtneyboyercoaching.com/store/p/opened

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themonopolycouple/

Nathan Boyer

Military physician and longtime partner to Courtney. 

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