The Learn-It-All Podcast 182: How to Stay Calm in Difficult Conversations—Even When You’re Triggered | Cynthia Kane
What if your most powerful communication tool wasn’t your voice—but your silence?
In this episode, Damon Lembi sits down with mindfulness teacher and bestselling author Cynthia Kane to explore her game-changing approach to communication. From avoiding difficult conversations to managing high-stakes interactions at work, Cynthia reveals how the ability to pause—mentally, physically, and emotionally—can completely transform the way we lead, collaborate, and connect.
Drawing from her book The Pause Principle and her signature SOFTEN Method, Cynthia shares a practical playbook for more grounded, intentional, and effective communication—starting with yourself.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- Why silence—not speaking—is the foundation of great communication
- How the body reacts during tough conversations and what to do about it
- The SOFTEN Method: 6 tools to calm down and show up intentionally
- Why most communication breakdowns start with the stories we tell ourselves
- How to unlearn the communication habits you inherited
- What mindful leaders do to create space, safety, and clarity
- A practice you can use between back-to-back meetings to reset
- How one conversation Cynthia avoided for 13 years changed everything
- What leaders need to know about tension, trust, and team dynamics
- How to go from reacting to responding—especially under pressure
Timestamps:
00:00 – The moment before you speak is where leadership begins
01:30 – Can people really change how they communicate? Yes.
03:00 – Two types of people: aware of communication struggles—and unaware
04:00 – Damon's take: poor communication quietly stalls careers
05:30 – Cynthia’s story: 13 years avoiding one key conversation
07:30 – Fear, survival, and the ripple effect of not speaking up
09:00 – Meditation and Buddhism: Cynthia’s unexpected entry point
11:00 – From Right Speech to real-world practice
13:00 – Why “in the moment” strategies matter most
14:30 – Introducing the SOFTEN Method
16:00 – Sensation: tuning into your body before your words
18:00 – Owning discomfort and calming your nervous system
20:00 – The subtle power of tactile strategies (no one will notice)
22:00 – Can one person change the tone of a conversation? Yes.
24:00 – Tactile tools for leaders: finger tapping, grounding, pressure points
26:00 – Rewriting your inner voice to change how you lead
28:00 – Team case study: how communication training shifted dynamics
30:00 – Why leaders must do the work—not just their teams
32:00 – Meditation for communicators (even if you “suck” at it)
34:00 – The real practice: noticing, returning, and being kind
36:00 – Resetting after a tough conversation so you’re fully present
38:00 – Communication in sales: when excitement gets in the way
40:00 – Slow down. One person can shift the whole vibe
42:00 – Why human connection and adaptability matter more than ever
44:00 – Cynthia’s hope: thriving relationships and better day-to-days
45:00 – Final takeaway: Attention follows intention. Practice is the path.
Resources & Mentions:
- Cynthia’s book: The Pause Principle – https://a.co/d/eprOdpC
- Cynthia’s book: How to Communicate Like a Buddhist – https://a.co/d/8hBUvXB
- Cynthia Kane’s website – https://www.cynthiakane.com
- Learnit course: Delegate to Scale Your Impact – https://www.learnit.com/courses/delegate-to-scale-your-impact
- Full Focus Freedom Compass – https://fullfocus.co/the-undervalued-zone-of-the-freedom-compass/
About the Guest:
Cynthia Kane is a mindfulness teacher, communication expert, and author of multiple books including The Pause Principle and How to Communicate Like a Buddhist. Through her SOFTEN Method, she’s helped thousands of professionals learn how to turn everyday conversations into moments of clarity, connection, and calm. Her work blends Eastern philosophy with practical tools for the modern workplace and life.
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