132: Never Enough: Confronting Toxic Achievement Culture (with author Jennifer Wallace)
Aug 22, 2023
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Author and journalist Jennifer Wallace discusses her new book on toxic achievement culture. They address the harm of achievement pressure on kids, the puppy dog principle, and the one thing parents can do to make a difference. They explore the rise of perfectionism in young adults and the importance of mattering. Jennifer's book emphasizes prioritizing relationships and meaningful work for children's well-being.
Parents can combat toxic achievement culture by creating a safe environment that values children for who they are, emphasizing strengths, and normalizing setbacks.
Mattering, or feeling valued, is crucial for child development, and parents can foster this by deeply appreciating their children for their true selves, beyond their accomplishments.
Deep dives
Building resilience and avoiding toxic pressure
One of the key insights from the podcast is the importance of building resilience and avoiding toxic pressure on children. The guest, Jennifer Wallace, highlights the need for parents to create a safe environment where kids feel valued for who they are, rather than basing their worth on achievements. She suggests that parents can buffer against external pressure by emphasizing their child's strengths, normalizing setbacks, and modeling their own failures as learning experiences.
The role of mattering in child development
Mattering, or feeling valued and adding value to others, emerges as a critical factor in child development. Jennifer emphasizes the significance of parents making their children feel deeply valued and appreciated for their true selves, beyond their accomplishments. By focusing on mattering, parents can help their children develop a sturdy sense of self and navigate challenges with the added support and resilience that mattering provides.
Creating work habits and structuring routines
Another key point addressed in the podcast is the importance of creating work habits and structuring routines. This approach helps children develop healthy motivation and a strong work ethic, moving away from a sole focus on external achievements. Parents are advised to emphasize how work is approached, rather than solely fixating on outcomes, enabling children to develop good work habits and resilience in the face of challenges.
Shifting focus from happiness to purpose and meaning
A paradigm shift is highlighted in the podcast from solely focusing on striving for happiness to placing greater importance on purpose and meaning in life. Jennifer argues that happiness is a byproduct of feeling valued and adding value to others. By shifting the focus to mattering and a life of meaning, parents can foster their children's well-being and help them lead fulfilling lives centered around meaningful contributions to society.
Season four of the Ask Lisa podcast kicks off with a special guest, author and journalist Jennifer Breheny Wallace, who discusses her brand new book: “Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic - And What We Can Do About It.” Dr. Lisa, Reena, and Jennie address how achievement pressure harms kids and what parents can do to combat grind culture. They unpack research from Harvard and the London School of Economics to answer key questions: What do the kids who are thriving in high pressure situations do differently? What can adults do to shield kids from toxic stress? How do parents put pressure on kids without even realizing it? Tune in to learn about the "puppy dog principle," why mattering is what really matters, and the one thing that parents can do that makes a difference.
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