Ep 382 Bad Advice, Good Marriage with Monica and Ben

Zach sits down with Monica Tanner—coach, podcast host, and author of Bad Marriage Advice—and her husband Ben, a self-proclaimed private “civilian.” Together, they share how their 23-year marriage has evolved from survival mode to a deeply intentional partnership.

The conversation moves from parenting young adults to debunking cliché marriage advice like “don’t go to bed angry” and “happy wife, happy life.” Monica opens up about abandonment wounds, anxiety, and the healing that came through personal work and communication. Ben offers a grounded perspective on emotional processing, individual growth, and learning how to show up with humility and humor.

Whether you're the fixer or the withdrawer in conflict, this episode offers insight into how couples can grow together by getting curious, staying patient, and prioritizing mutual respect.

Key Takeaways

• Bad marriage advice lingers—until you replace it with something better
  Monica and Ben describe how the phrase “don’t go to bed angry” caused years of unnecessary distress until they found a compassionate workaround that honored both their needs.

• Self-work strengthens the marriage
  Ben emphasizes how personal growth—working on his patience and emotional regulation—helped him become a better partner.

• Conflict patterns are rooted in the past
  Monica shares how her abandonment trauma shaped her reactions in marriage, and how learning to identify and express her emotions helped them both grow.

• Intentionality transformed their relationship
  A moment of debilitating anxiety marked a turning point for Monica, leading her to redefine how she showed up in her family and marriage.

• Fun, friendship, and physical activity keep them connected
  From daily walks to travel adventures, Monica and Ben prioritize shared time, conversation, and experiences as cornerstones of their relationship.

Guest Info

Monica Tanner
Relationship coach, podcast host, and author of the upcoming book Bad Marriage Advice.  https://www.monicatanner.com/ 

Ben Tanner
Entrepreneur.

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