Latter Day Struggles 55: On the Deep Psychological Costs of Institutionalized Queerphobia
In this episode Valerie validates those who are struggling with some current policies that are wounding our sexual and gender minority friends and loved ones and invites a deeper understanding of both the hurt and our potential to heal this hurt by looking at Carol Lynn Pearson's book "No More Goodbyes".
In this episode Val breaks down what she considers to be five foundational healthy psychological relationship paradigms and contrasts these with five unhealthy paradigms that are the current lived experience of so many who suffer in our circles.
These paradigms include:
1: HEALTHY--We are all innately worthy of love just as we are.
1: UNHEALTHY--A false belief that some humans are born with something innately 'wrong' with them.
2: HEALTHY-- Parent/child relationships encompass deep unconditional love that helps a parent learn the depth of God's love for them as they learn how to love their unique children,
2 UNHEALTHY--Parents sometimes feel compelled to choose loyalty to an institution over unconditional love for their child. This choice may be expressed through subtle disappointment/distancing or through explicit rejection.
3: HEALTHY--The family is the basic unit of society that enables people to learn how to bond, love, and serve one another through lived experiences and stages
3: UNHEALTHY--Only a certain prescribed type of family is considered acceptable and families that do not follow the prescribed model will not be seen as acceptable
4: HEALTHY--People gain healthy ego structures by being in relationship with influential caregivers who are consistent, loving, and make repairs when inevitable struggles happen. These relationships are called 'secure attachment relationships'.
4: UNHEALTHY--People's brains become traumatized when the influential caregiver acts like they love the person sometimes but also abuse the same person at other times. This is disorienting and deeply painful to the person on the receiving end of this acceptance/rejection dynamic. This is called a 'disorganized attachment relationship'.
5: HEALTHY--Love heals.
5: UNHEALTHY—Hate destroys.
Valerie infuses stories from No More Goodbyes: Circling the Wagons around Our Gay Loved Ones, by Carol Lynn Pearson to illustrate powerfully each of these psychological principles.
*****Trigger Warning****This episode discusses incidents of attempted suicide.
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