Author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Mark Manson, discusses the importance of not always telling children they can do anything, the dangers of comparison, his experience writing Will Smith's book, and the power of saying no and setting boundaries for increased respect and attractiveness.
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Quick takeaways
Praising children's effort over innate abilities helps them develop resilience and a growth mindset.
Comparing oneself to others can lead to a sense of failure, so it's important to define success on one's own terms.
Deep dives
The importance of praising effort instead of natural ability
Mark Manson discusses the importance of praising children's effort rather than simply their natural abilities. He suggests that parents should focus on complimenting their children for their actions and achievements, rather than praising them for being inherently special or talented. This approach helps children develop resilience and a growth mindset, understanding that success comes from hard work and dedication rather than innate qualities.
The danger of comparing oneself to others
Mark Manson highlights the danger of comparing oneself to others when measuring success. He shares the example of Dave Mustaine, who was a successful musician but still felt like a failure compared to the band he was kicked out of, Metallica. Manson cautions against defining success based on comparisons and emphasizes the need to define success on one's own terms, focusing on personal growth and accomplishments rather than external benchmarks.
The power of setting boundaries and saying no
Mark Manson discusses the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say no. He shares his own struggle with people-pleasing and the fear of missing out on opportunities. Manson explains that saying no and having standards can actually make a person more attractive and lead to better opportunities. By prioritizing self-care and setting boundaries, individuals can focus on what truly matters to them and make decisions that align with their values.
Returning to the episode with author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Mark Manson, Jake reflects on the lessons he still thinks about daily.
Mark suggested parents should not be telling their children they can do anything, as it may set them up for a fall in the future. Telling them they’re going to be brilliant will ensure they don’t build their resilience muscle. Jake shares with Damian how after this episode he now talks to his children differently.
They also reflect on why comparison is killer and Mark’s experience writing Will Smith’s book. And they discuss how saying no makes you a more attractive prospect.