Why Most People Can’t Keep Secrets & Interesting Oddities of Language
Sep 5, 2024
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Investigative journalist Andrew Gold dives into the intriguing psychology of secrets, revealing how keeping them can lead to stress-related health issues. He explains why we often feel compelled to share secrets, despite potential fallout on relationships. Linguist Paul Anthony Jones adds a quirky twist, uncovering the oddities of the English language—like the historical reasons behind capital letters and the unique placement of vowels. Together, they unravel the complex interplay between secrecy and language.
Engaged eye contact is essential for effective communication, with optimal durations varying by social setting to convey interest appropriately.
Keeping secrets creates significant psychological stress, often leading to health issues, highlighting the importance of sharing them for emotional relief.
Deep dives
Understanding Eye Contact
Engaged eye contact plays a crucial role in social interactions, with norms varying based on the setting. In group scenarios, maintaining eye contact for about three to five seconds is considered appropriate, as longer gazes may be interpreted as staring. Conversely, in one-on-one conversations, optimal eye contact may extend to ten seconds, but it's necessary to balance this with periods of looking away to avoid appearing disinterested. Spending more than half of the conversation without eye contact can lead to perceptions of disengagement, emphasizing the importance of finding that right equilibrium in maintaining eye contact.
The Burden of Secrets
Secrets occupy a significant space in our lives, often causing psychological and physical distress. Research indicates that holding onto secrets can manifest in serious health issues, such as ulcers and certain types of cancer, stemming from the stress of concealing them. The intricacies of what constitutes a secret involve societal norms; for example, while certain aspects of relationships may be considered private, others can become secretive if they diverge from societal expectations. Understanding this distinction sheds light on the necessity of sharing secrets, as doing so can alleviate the burden and promote emotional and physical well-being.
The Curiosity of Humans
Humans have an inherent curiosity that drives the desire to uncover secrets, a trait believed to have evolved for survival within social groups. This curiosity, intertwined with a penchant for gossip, serves as a bonding mechanism among individuals, effective in maintaining social cohesion within tribes. Furthermore, individuals who harbor secrets may feel a loss of power, amplifying the urgency to disclose their hidden information to gain control over their narrative. This nature of human interactions denotes that secrets hold a dual function; they are both burdensome to the keeper and enticing to those outside of the secret.
The Nature of Secrecy and Health
Studies reveal that keeping secrets not only weighs heavily on the mind but also manifests in tangible health consequences. The psychological toll of maintaining a secret, rather than the act of lying about it, can be particularly damaging, leading to stress and anxiety. This phenomenon has roots in evolutionary biology, as shared vulnerabilities and the act of unburdening oneself can foster stronger social relationships. Therefore, understanding and addressing the impact of secrets on well-being is vital, as revealing them can facilitate healing and improve overall health outcomes.
It’s clear from research that keeping a secret is difficult to do. We often feel compelled to share secrets even if we promised not to. So why is that? According to my guest, keeping a secret causes stress and has been linked to diseases like ulcers and cancer. By telling secrets we unburden ourselves and relieve that stress. But revealing secrets can have huge negative repercussions to relationships and social status. Here to look at the science of secrets, why we tell them and who we tell them to, is Andrew Gold. He is an investigative journalist, podcaster and filmmaker who has made documentaries for the BBC and HBO. He hosts a podcast called On the Edge with Andrew Gold (https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwU7HOfuSL5KD5s9hGoPuyVzN_VwG4Yi_) and he is author of the book, The Psychology of Secrets: My Adventures with Murderers, Cults and Influencers (https://amzn.to/3MiwXoS)
Why do we have both upper and lower case letters? Why are letters in the order they are in (ABCDE etc.) There is a dot above a lower case i and j – what’s that for? And why do we capitalize the pronoun “I”? Other languages don’t. There are so many fascinating stories about how English came to be. And here to tell several of them is linguist Paul Anthony Jones. He has a popular YouTube channel where he talks about language and he is author of the book Why Is This a Question?: Everything about the origins and oddities of language you never thought to ask (https://amzn.to/3Z0Nrtm).
While people discuss and debate whether humans are naturally monogamous, there are some animals on earth who truly are – or close to it. Listen as I reveal which animals love their mate for their entire life. https://www.treehugger.com/animals-that-mate-for-life-4869332