#349 Men’s Work, Overthinking, & Giving Feedback - Shems Hartwell

I’ve known Shems Hartwell for a while now. A relationship coach, foil surfer, and long hugger, he’s a guy I could easily see myself rolling my eyes at if it were not for his authenticity. Even the word “authenticity” feels like it’s circling the drain of descriptors these days. It’s always the carefully curated posers who love to share their “authentic” selves with the world. And in this podcast, we get into it. The phenomenon of men who commodify their vulnerability to achieve status, sharing just enough to be cheered on for their bravery while never letting the truly risky parts of themselves show. Real authenticity means a willingness to fail. And Shems is willing to fail. He creates a safe container for other men to fail too. For lots of dudes, the pressures of careers and mortgages and relationships are enough to snap the spine, and this is where true terror lies. Women say they want a vulnerable man, but they also don’t want a loser. This tightrope walk leaves men shakily standing on a high wire, looking thousands of feet below—Jocko Willink to one side, liberal cucks to the other. Shems is the net. (Did that metaphor make sense? Meh, I’m keeping it.) He’s is leading a men’s retreat in Nicaragua in a couple of months. There will be surfing. If this seems like your jam, check it out and more of his work here. If you like this episode and want more, check out Episode #121 or Episode #148.

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