Therapist Uncensored Podcast Family Estrangement: The Space Between Love & Self-Protection with Dafna Lender (284)
Nov 4, 2025
Dafna Lender, a family therapist and attachment specialist, dives into the heart-wrenching topic of parent-child estrangement. She explores the emotional toll of cutting off family ties and how cultural influences shape these dynamics. Dafna discusses the importance of setting boundaries while maintaining empathy, emphasizing that understanding a parent's history can ease personal hurt. She offers practical strategies for navigating estrangement and highlights the therapeutic challenges and opportunities for fostering healing and hope amidst family complexities.
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Estrangement Feels Like Ambiguous Grief
- Family cutoffs are rising and cause deep ambiguous grief for parents and children alike.
- The loss feels unique because the person is alive but unreachable, complicating mourning and identity.
Culture Amplifies Cutoff Polarization
- Cultural and political polarization legitimize cutoffs and amplify vengeful responses within families.
- Social media and simplistic advice amplify a 'scorched earth' mentality when therapy access is limited.
Craft A Clear Temporary Boundary Message
- If you choose distance, craft a clear, non-scorched-earth message that sets boundaries for now.
- Leave room to reopen contact later by avoiding vitriol and providing specific boundary terms.
heartbreak, the healing, and the hope that can emerge when families face difficult truths.
Dafna is a family therapy expert and attachment specialist. Dafna is an international trainer and supervisor for practitioners who work with children and families. She is a certified trainer and supervisor/consultant in both Theraplay and Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy (DDP), as well as an EMDR therapist. Dafna’s expertise is drawn from 28 years of working with families in many settings: at-risk after school programs, therapeutic foster care, in-home crisis stabilization, residential care and private practice. Dafna is author of Integrative Attachment Family Therapy (2023) and the co-author of Theraplay the Practitioner’s Guide (2020). She teaches and supervises clinicians in 15 countries in 4 languages: English, Hebrew, French and Spanish.
who you are and how you connect with others.
