In this episode, the hosts tackle Emma's pattern of being attracted to older, unavailable men. They delve into her fear of rejection and isolation after her father's death, which contributes to her loneliness. The episode also explores the complexity of age preferences and Emma's intense college relationship. Additionally, the hosts discuss Emma's attraction to older men and her struggles with direct communication. They touch on the absence of a voicemail and her fear of being open in relationships.
Emma's pattern of being drawn to older, unavailable men stems from her fear of rejection and loss after her father's death.
The impact of Emma's father's illness and death during her college years has influenced her attraction to older men as a way to seek comfort and understanding.
Emma's struggle with vulnerability and fear of intimacy drives her to seek relationships with older men, providing a sense of safety and avoiding emotional closeness.
Deep dives
Pattern of seeking out relationships with older men
Emma shares how she has a pattern of seeking out relationships with older men. It started with her college professor who comforted her during her father's illness and now she finds herself smitten with a married coworker who is 20 years older. She reflects on her attraction to older men, feeling that they have more emotional depth and understanding. Emma wonders how to break this pattern and find a more healthy approach to dating.
Impact of father's illness on relationships
Emma recognizes the impact of her father's illness on her relationships. She shares how her father's declining health and eventual death during her college years influenced her attraction to older men. She explains that seeking comfort and understanding from older partners became a pattern and a way to cope with her emotional needs. Emma reflects on the need to address her unresolved emotions surrounding her father's illness and loss.
Struggles with vulnerability and fear of intimacy
Emma struggles with vulnerability and fear of intimacy. She explains that her relationships with older men provide a sense of safety and avoid the risks of rejection or emotional closeness. Emma acknowledges her difficulty in opening up to others and expressing her feelings. She reflects on the possibility of engaging in deeper, reciprocated relationships and the need to address her fear of getting close to someone.
Dealing with Loss and Grief
In this podcast episode, the speaker discusses the experience of dealing with significant losses and grief. The episode explores a personal story of severe depression, the conversations with family, and the decision to seek therapy. The main focus is on the narrator's experience of grieving and the multiple losses she faced, including the end of a relationship, leaving college, and the loss of her father's illness and eventual death. The speaker highlights the importance of acknowledging and processing various forms of loss, even when they may not be immediately apparent.
Navigating Complicated Relationships
The podcast delves into the complexities of relationships, particularly in the context of age differences and power dynamics. The episode explores the speaker's emotional connection to her professor and the challenges that arose from that relationship. It further discusses the disappointment and confusion that emerged when the relationship ended abruptly, highlighting the need for clear boundaries and communication. The speaker reflects on the impact of these relationships as distractions from dealing with her grief and emphasizes the importance of exploring healthy, age-appropriate connections with others.
Hey, Fellow Travelers. This week we’re in session with Emma, who wants to break her pattern of being drawn to older, unavailable men. We help her to see how her fear of rejection and loss after her father’s death serves to keep her safe but actually leaves her quite lonely.
If you have a dilemma you’d like to discuss with us—big or small—email us at LoriAndGuy@iHeartMedia.com.
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