1983: From Conflict to Compassion: Put Love Above Winning by Sara Bensman with Tiny Buddha on Choosing Love Over Ego
Dec 2, 2023
11:02
auto_awesome Snipd AI
Sara Bensman, a writer for TinyBuddha.com, encourages prioritizing compassion over the need to be right in conflicts. She discusses the roots of conflict tied to ego, fear of losing self-worth, and proposes a transformative approach. By understanding others' perspectives, taking personal responsibility, and accepting what cannot be changed, a path from conflict to compassion can be forged.
Read more
AI Summary
AI Chapters
Episode notes
auto_awesome
Podcast summary created with Snipd AI
Quick takeaways
Conflicts serve as opportunities for personal growth and learning by changing our approach and recognizing the lessons they present.
To navigate conflicts with compassion, let go of the need to be right, take responsibility for our actions, and accept what is.
Deep dives
Conflict as an Opportunity to Learn
Conflicts provide us with an opportunity to learn and grow by recognizing the lessons they present. Just like a burn warns us not to touch a hot burner again, conflicts can serve as a signal to change our approach. However, our natural tendency is to blame others, which perpetuates recurring conflicts. The story we tell ourselves is that we have been wronged by someone who doesn't value us, but we often fail to see the other person's perspective, fearing a loss of ego if we try to understand them. By letting go of the need to be right, taking responsibility for our own actions, and accepting what is, we can navigate conflicts with compassion and create a more peaceful relationship.
The Tension Between Winning and Loving
Our civilization seems built on the tension between winning and loving. Famed writer Leo Tolstoy believed that love would prevail if humans recognized it as a powerful force. However, resolving this tension requires conscious effort, especially in personal conflicts. We easily recognize that terrorists or extremists need to let go of violence and embrace love, but when it comes to conflicts with our neighbor, boss, or partner, we want our unique experiences to be acknowledged. Overcoming this desire for rightness involves cultivating compassion, releasing the need to be right, taking responsibility for our actions, and accepting the limitations of others.
Steps to Transcending Conflict
To transcend conflict, it is essential to follow four steps. First, practice growing compassion by understanding others' perspectives and feeling their pain, starting with small matters and gradually expanding to more challenging situations. Second, let go of the need to be right by recognizing that there are multiple perspectives and that our rightness is tied to our biased viewpoint. Third, take responsibility and examine our own contributions to the conflict, such as unclear expectations or boundaries. Finally, accept what is and focus on taking care of ourselves instead of trying to change the other person. By following these steps, we can navigate conflicts with greater understanding and foster compassionate relationships.
Discover all of the podcasts in our network, search for specific episodes, get the Optimal Living Daily workbook, and learn more at:OLDPodcast.com.
Episode 1983:
Sara Bensman, with TinyBuddha.com, challenges you to prioritize compassion over the need to be right in conflicts. Using the metaphor of a burn warning from a hot stove, she illustrates how conflicts offer lessons for personal growth. The article delves into the roots of conflict, often tied to ego and the fear of losing self-worth. Bensman proposes a transformative approach, advocating for understanding others' perspectives, relinquishing the need to be right, taking personal responsibility, and accepting what cannot be changed, thus forging a path from conflict to compassion.
"Let go of your attachment to being right and suddenly your mind is more open."
"It seems as though our very civilization is built on this tension between winning and loving."
"Transcending this desire for rightness requires that we build a pathway out and that we cultivate that pathway, tend it, and keep it free of stumbling blocks."