10% Happier with Dan Harris How Lying To Yourself (A Little) Can Improve Your Relationships and Make the World Feel Less Insane | Shankar Vedantam
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Sep 29, 2025 
Shankar Vedantam, a journalist and the host of Hidden Brain, explores the unexpected benefits of self-deception in his latest book, Useful Delusions. He argues that our brains' ability to filter reality enhances relationships and supports empathy, even amid modern chaos. Shankar discusses the evolutionary roots of self-deception, its adaptive role in parenting, and when it becomes harmful. He provides insights on how understanding our own delusions can foster compassion towards others and improve communication, especially in challenging situations like vaccine hesitancy.
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Church Of Love Con Saved Lives
- Shankar tells the Church of Love con where men fell for fictional “angels” and sent money.
- Some defended the con because the letters saved them from addiction or suicide, showing delusion can be lifesaving.
Perception Is Useful Filtering
- The brain filters vast sensory input so we perceive only what supports action and attention.
- That filtering is a form of functional self-deception enabling efficient cognition.
Positive Illusions Help Relationships
- Positive illusions about loved ones increase happiness and relationship stability.
- Parental overvaluation evolved to motivate costly care and thus aid survival.
