It's a common - if painful - dynamic: we want to share our pain with another in the hopes of receiving empathy, but their best move is to try and fix our pain by finding fault with something we've said or done.

It is so hurtful to be blamed for our own pain.

In this week's episode, a caller asks a universally applicable question: "What can I do when I share my pain with my spouse and he blames me for it?"

Highlights include:

2:50 If all I get is blame, why should I even try to have the conversation?
7:03 How to ground a discussion in a micro moment
10:03 Scripts that help "waking up" feel pleasurable and not painful
12:05 Doing the inner work necessary for successful conversations
15:15 A script for getting to "Yes"
22:54 "I'm not trying to change you."
24:24 The role of our defensive system

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#51 What Can I Do When Someone Hears Blame in Everything I Say?