#704 - Mads Larsen - Are Relationships Supposed To Last For Life?
Nov 9, 2023
01:50:03
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Mads Larsen discusses the history of human mating ideologies, including the reasons behind our modern beliefs about finding a partner.
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Quick takeaways
Differentiating ideologies of courtly love, companionate love, and romantic love shaped society's approach to relationships throughout history.
Modern dating challenges individuals' well-being, highlighting the impact of social media comparison, fear of the future, and the importance of finding meaning.
Generational happiness in Norway has shifted, with younger generations facing uncertainty and challenges, while older generations reflect on past accomplishments.
Happiness is relative and influenced by external markers of success; finding meaning through personal growth and helping others leads to sustained well-being.
Deep dives
The First Sexual Revolution: Courtly Love
After the dissolution of Europe's tribes around 750, an ideology called courtly love emerged. It was a response to the previous practice of heroic love, which was a coercive and misogynistic rape culture. Courtly love emphasized female consent and allowed women the power to refuse marriage proposals. It promoted the idea of emotional love and societal openness towards strangers. Courtly love was prevalent among the aristocratic class, while peasants still practiced arranged marriages.
The Second Sexual Revolution: Companionate Love
Around 1750, Europe experienced its second sexual revolution marked by the rise of companionate love. This ideology prioritized pragmatic partnerships and arranged marriages, with the primary goal of running a farm and ensuring the survival of children. It discouraged extramarital and premarital sex, emphasizing the responsibility towards family and community. This period witnessed an increase in sexual activity, especially among young proletarians, facilitated by the commercial revolution. Companionate love continued until the third sexual revolution.
The Third Sexual Revolution: Individual Choice
In the 18th century, individual choice became more pronounced, culminating in the third sexual revolution of the 1960s. This revolution emphasized personal decisions in sexual and romantic relationships, challenging traditional norms and restrictions. It promoted sexual liberation, exploration, and the rejection of societal constraints. This revolution was facilitated by increased mobility, job opportunities, shifting values, and the advancement of contraceptives. It marked a significant departure from the previous ideologies of courtly love and companionate love, with greater emphasis on personal agency and autonomy.
The Impact of Mating Ideologies on Society
The podcast episode discusses the influence of mating ideologies on society throughout history. It highlights the shift from companionate love to liberty in love to romantic love, and the social ramifications of each ideology. Liberty in love, popular during the 18th century, encouraged promiscuity and prioritized personal enjoyment over familial responsibilities. This led to burdening women with childcare when their partners abandoned them after pregnancy. The reaction to this libertine ideology was the rise of romantic love, which emphasized emotional connection and long-lasting monogamy. However, the podcast raises concerns about the impact of modern dating apps and the challenges faced by individuals in finding fulfilling relationships. It also explores the future of mating in an era of technological advancements in reproductive technologies and AI companions. Overall, the podcast emphasizes the importance of understanding the complexities of mating ideologies and their effects on well-being and society.
The Challenges of Modern Mating and Well-being
The podcast delves into the challenges faced by individuals in modern dating and its impact on well-being. It highlights the consequences of comparing oneself to others in the age of social media, which often leads to feelings of insufficiency and unhappiness. The discussion touches on the increasing unhappiness among young people, citing various factors such as economic uncertainty, fear of the future, and pressure from social media. It also explores the concept of happiness in relation to adaptive relevant problems and the influence of meaning on well-being. The episode suggests that finding meaning through altruism and working for the benefit of others can have a positive impact on happiness and overall well-being. It concludes by highlighting the importance of understanding these challenges and fostering empathy and support within society.
Generational Shifts in Happiness and Well-being
The podcast mentions the shift in generational happiness and well-being in Norway. It reveals that younger generations, particularly those between 15 to 24 years old, are experiencing a significant decline in well-being, while older generations express increased satisfaction with their lives. The discussion attributes this shift to the rapid societal transformations and the loss of a unifying narrative or master narrative. It suggests that the younger generation feels uncertain about the future and faces numerous challenges, damaging their overall happiness. Conversely, the older generation reflects on their past accomplishments and express gratitude for having lived during economically prosperous times. The episode highlights the importance of understanding generational differences and fostering empathy amid societal changes.
The Relationship Between Achievement, Progression, and Happiness
The podcast explores the relationship between achievement, progression, and happiness. It suggests that individual happiness is relative, and people often compare themselves to others to assess their own happiness. The discussion points out that relying on external markers of success, such as financial wealth or societal status, may not lead to sustained happiness. Instead, it proposes that finding meaning through personal growth and working for the benefit of others can have a more enduring impact on happiness. The episode emphasizes the importance of balancing personal achievement with acts of altruism and highlights the potential benefits of slower, progressive development rather than rapid success in maximizing overall well-being.
Mads Larsen is a Norwegian author and journalist whose research focuses on the history of human mating ideologies.
The narrative of human romance is an ancient story. But that story has not always remained the same, the last 10,000 years has been a crazy journey through different beliefs on why we should find and stay with a partner and today we get to hear about all the fascinating details.
Expect to learn why it's so illuminating to study the story of mating ideologies across time, how our modern beliefs about finding a partner are historically very unusual, why having a daughter as a farmer could be a useful addition to your farming strategy, why Incels are so unhappy, why old people are the happiest despite evidence to the contrary in the past and much more...
