#42: Intimacy Aversion - When He Is Withholding Sex

Jun 3, 2022

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In this episode, we talk about when he is withholding sex during recovery. While this might not be as common as men that will hypersexualize their wives, it’s still something that we see and it’s important to give space to this piece of the puzzle because it is INCREDIBLY painful and confusing for her.

We start with talking about the underpinnings of withholding sex. Jason gives five different reasons that he sees that can contribute to this and I think it’s important to note that the intimacy aversion as well as trauma from childhood, I believe, weigh the most as far as underpinnings.

We then talk about what she needs in the midst of this: reassurance via cared, adored, loved, etc. This is tricky because a lot of men aren’t capable of this early on in recovery due to it being too intimate, too vulnerable, too risky. In addition, she needs to see him actively working on the underpinnings.

Finally, we talk about what the couple can do in order to move toward reconnecting sexually in a healthy way. We will be back next week with part 2, looking at the other side of the coin: what to do when he is hypersexual.

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