The Real Reason Other People's Boundaries Make Us Cross

Oct 23, 2023

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Episode notes

When someone else sets boundaries, do you feel able to do the same, or do you resent their ability to say no? Often, our anger towards others' boundaries comes from our own unmet needs and desires, and what presents itself as resentment is actually envy.

Guilt, shame, and fear often prevent us from expressing our own needs, which just compounds those negative emotions. Without shifting our mindset, we can end up adopting a victim mindset and feeling even more trapped.

In this quick dip episode, Rachel describes how we can identify our underlying needs, find ways to express them, and take small, practical steps towards getting what we want, even if it feels unattainable.

Listen to this episode to

Learn how to navigate boundaries and handle feelings of resentment when others say no to you.
Understand the difference between anger and envy, and how envy can reveal what you truly want.
Pick up strategies for identifying your own needs, expressing them to others, and finding ways to meet them.

Episode highlights

[00:02:12] Envy
[00:05:47] What is your underlying need?
[00:06:43] What happens when we make ourselves the victim
[00:07:55] Questions to ask yourself
[00:08:54] What is stopping you from meeting your needs?
[00:10:01] If you could wave a magic wand
[00:11:40] Expressing your needs to others

Resources

THRIVE Weekly Planner
Why Can’t I Say No – Episode 163
How to Use Power Language to Keep Your Boundaries Strong – Episode 179
How to Say No and Deal with Pushback – Episode 125, with Annie Hanekom
Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience, by Brené Brown
Download the episode’s workbook and CPD form. You can use them for reflection and to submit for your appraisal.

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