#468 Power, Pleasure, and the Men Who Want More

Jan 13, 2026

Ashley Randall, a Los Angeles-based sex and intimacy coach, shares insights on helping men shed shame and reconnect with their emotions. She discusses the common struggles men face, such as performance anxiety and emotional disconnection. Ashley emphasizes the power of presence and attunement in both BDSM and intimacy work, revealing how her dominant approach can be healing. Additionally, she introduces her erotic perfumes, which serve as tools for deeper sensory experiences and emotional connection during sessions.

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ANECDOTE

Nipple Healing That Built A Friendship

Amy describes meeting Ashley in Somatica and a practice that changed her nipple sensitivity after decades of dislike.
That personal healing moment led to a close friendship and ongoing professional respect.

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ADVICE

Introduce Kinks Gradually

When disclosing a fetish start small: mention being turned on and ask if a partner would be open to exploring.
Try this on a second or third date, not the first, and normalize curiosity instead of full confession.

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INSIGHT

Conditioning Blocks Men's Emotional Intimacy

Ashley observes many straight cis men are deeply conditioned to avoid vulnerability and emotional expression.
That conditioning drives sexual disconnection and shows up as performance and intimacy problems.

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Ashley’s Path into Sexuality Work

18:47 • 2min

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Becoming a Dominatrix and Gateway Approach

20:30 • 2min

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Why Ashley Works Primarily With Men

22:43 • 3min

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Who Ashley Works With and Practice Partnering

26:08 • 3min

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Common Issues Men Bring: Performance & Disconnection

28:54 • 3min

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First Session: Unpacking Erectile Challenges

31:28 • 1min

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Triggering Anxiety Safely in Session

Reframing Penis Performance and Connection

36:36 • 4min

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Ongoing Work: Emotional Intimacy and Core Erotic Themes

40:12 • 2min

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Confidentiality, Boundaries, and Partner Concerns

42:32 • 5min

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Practical Tips: Slow Down and Speak Your Needs

47:29 • 2min

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Dominatrix Work Beyond Kink: Healing & Reversal

49:33 • 4min

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Example Scene: Receiving Attention Without Performance

How to Become More Dominant Authentically

56:56 • 4min

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Ashley’s Perfumes as Somatic Tools

01:00:35 • 5min

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Scent, Memory, and Pavlovian Anchoring

01:06:05 • 4min

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Where to Find Ashley and Her Perfumes

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Shameless Sex

April Lampert

Amy Baldwin

In this episode, we’re joined by Ashley Randall, also known as Irreverent Femme—a Los Angeles–based Sex, Intimacy, and Kink Coach, Dominatrix, and erotic parfum-ist. Ashley shares how her journey into sexuality work emerged from a desire to help people shed shame, reconnect with their bodies, and access deeper intimacy and pleasure.

Ashley primarily works with cisgender, predominantly straight men, many of whom are successful yet disconnected—from their emotions, their desire, and their partners. She explains why working with a confident, sexually embodied woman can be both confronting and profoundly healing, offering men a space to drop performance and explore authenticity.

The most common issue Ashley sees is disconnection, often showing up as performance anxiety, erectile challenges, or difficulty leading and communicating sexually. Beneath it all is a longing for confidence, presence, and deeper connection. In early sessions, Ashley focuses on nervous system regulation, consent, and embodiment, gradually guiding clients toward more grounded desire, emotional intimacy, and conscious power.

We also explore Ashley’s work as a Dominatrix and how dominance—whether kinky or not—is about presence, responsibility, and attunement rather than control. She shares practical insights for men who want to be more dominant, emphasizing self-regulation, listening, and clarity.

Plus, we dive into Ashley’s erotic perfumes, which she uses as a powerful sensory and somatic tool in sessions to anchor desire, memory, and arousal.

Ashley leaves listeners with one golden reminder: your desire is not a problem—it’s information.

Learn more or work with Ashley at www.irreverentcoaching.com
Follow her on Instagram: @IrreverentLoveCoaching

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