#468 Power, Pleasure, and the Men Who Want More

Jan 13, 2026

Ashley Randall, a Los Angeles-based sex and intimacy coach, shares insights on helping men shed shame and reconnect with their emotions. She discusses the common struggles men face, such as performance anxiety and emotional disconnection. Ashley emphasizes the power of presence and attunement in both BDSM and intimacy work, revealing how her dominant approach can be healing. Additionally, she introduces her erotic perfumes, which serve as tools for deeper sensory experiences and emotional connection during sessions.

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INSIGHT

Performance Problems Mask Deeper Needs

Sexual performance problems are a common entry point for men to seek help; erectile issues and premature ejaculation top the list.
These symptoms often mask deeper issues around anxiety, identity, and disconnection.

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ADVICE

Teach Feelings Before Mechanics

Start sessions by teaching emotional vocabulary and practicing presence before addressing mechanics.
Trigger performance scenarios, pause, and dissect feelings to shift from performance to connection.

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ADVICE

Use Real Triggers Then Pause

Use realistic in-session triggers (positions, escalation cues) and pause to identify the anxiety when it appears.
Name the experience and provide caring feedback to re-ground presence and reduce performance mode.

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Ashley’s Path into Sexuality Work

18:47 • 2min

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Becoming a Dominatrix and Gateway Approach

20:30 • 2min

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Why Ashley Works Primarily With Men

22:43 • 3min

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Who Ashley Works With and Practice Partnering

26:08 • 3min

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Common Issues Men Bring: Performance & Disconnection

28:54 • 3min

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First Session: Unpacking Erectile Challenges

31:28 • 1min

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Triggering Anxiety Safely in Session

Reframing Penis Performance and Connection

36:36 • 4min

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Ongoing Work: Emotional Intimacy and Core Erotic Themes

40:12 • 2min

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Confidentiality, Boundaries, and Partner Concerns

42:32 • 5min

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Practical Tips: Slow Down and Speak Your Needs

47:29 • 2min

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Dominatrix Work Beyond Kink: Healing & Reversal

49:33 • 4min

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Example Scene: Receiving Attention Without Performance

How to Become More Dominant Authentically

56:56 • 4min

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Ashley’s Perfumes as Somatic Tools

01:00:35 • 5min

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Scent, Memory, and Pavlovian Anchoring

01:06:05 • 4min

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Where to Find Ashley and Her Perfumes

• Mentioned in 22 episodes

• Mentioned in 237 episodes

Moneyball

The Art of Winning an Unfair Game

Michael Lewis

The book tells the story of the Oakland Athletics' 2002 season, where General Manager Billy Beane and his assistant Paul DePodesta used advanced statistical analysis, known as sabermetrics, to assemble a competitive team despite a limited budget. The approach, pioneered by Bill James, focused on metrics such as on-base percentage and slugging percentage rather than traditional measures like batting average and runs batted in. This data-driven strategy allowed the Athletics to compete with teams having much larger payrolls, like the New York Yankees, and achieve significant success, including a 20-game winning streak and a playoff appearance.

#24

• Mentioned in 320 episodes

The big short

Inside the Doomsday Machine

Michael Lewis

The Big Short tells the story of the 2007-08 financial crisis through the lens of several key players who predicted and profited from the collapse of the housing market. The book focuses on characters such as Steve Eisman, Mike Burry, Greg Lippmann, and the founders of Cornwall Capital, who saw the impending disaster and made significant gains by shorting the market. Lewis explains the complex financial instruments and the systemic failures that led to the crisis, making the narrative both accessible and engaging.

In this episode, we’re joined by Ashley Randall, also known as Irreverent Femme—a Los Angeles–based Sex, Intimacy, and Kink Coach, Dominatrix, and erotic parfum-ist. Ashley shares how her journey into sexuality work emerged from a desire to help people shed shame, reconnect with their bodies, and access deeper intimacy and pleasure.

Ashley primarily works with cisgender, predominantly straight men, many of whom are successful yet disconnected—from their emotions, their desire, and their partners. She explains why working with a confident, sexually embodied woman can be both confronting and profoundly healing, offering men a space to drop performance and explore authenticity.

The most common issue Ashley sees is disconnection, often showing up as performance anxiety, erectile challenges, or difficulty leading and communicating sexually. Beneath it all is a longing for confidence, presence, and deeper connection. In early sessions, Ashley focuses on nervous system regulation, consent, and embodiment, gradually guiding clients toward more grounded desire, emotional intimacy, and conscious power.

We also explore Ashley’s work as a Dominatrix and how dominance—whether kinky or not—is about presence, responsibility, and attunement rather than control. She shares practical insights for men who want to be more dominant, emphasizing self-regulation, listening, and clarity.

Plus, we dive into Ashley’s erotic perfumes, which she uses as a powerful sensory and somatic tool in sessions to anchor desire, memory, and arousal.

Ashley leaves listeners with one golden reminder: your desire is not a problem—it’s information.

Learn more or work with Ashley at www.irreverentcoaching.com
Follow her on Instagram: @IrreverentLoveCoaching

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