On Attachment #222: Can a Fearful Avoidant Change After Cheating? (Ask Steph)
Jan 8, 2026
In this engaging discussion, the host delves into the complexities of infidelity and the potential for real change in fearful-avoidant partners. They emphasize the importance of genuine remorse over empty promises and the necessity of understanding the root causes of cheating. The conversation highlights how fearful-avoidant patterns can lead to self-sabotage and stresses the emotional maturity required for rebuilding trust. Key questions for navigating repair after betrayal are shared, providing listeners a roadmap for assessing the likelihood of meaningful change.
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Possibility Vs Likelihood Of Change
- Stephanie Rigg believes change is possible but focuses on how likely change is in practice.
- She urges assessing the person's likely capacity to change rather than assuming possibility alone.
Check How The Cheating Was Disclosed
- Ask how they are responding and who disclosed the infidelity to understand motive and accountability.
- Prefer partners who came forward voluntarily over those who were discovered.
Demand Root-Cause Understanding
- Require them to articulate why they cheated beyond "I f***ed up" and identify the internal wound driving the behavior.
- Insist on a concrete plan to address those underlying wounds to reduce recurrence risk.