The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Ep. 215: The #1 Ingredient of Self Regulation

26 snips

Apr 1, 2025

Discover the vital components of self-regulation: monitoring and modifying emotional responses. The discussion highlights how these skills can be cultivated in children, with a focus on the importance of co-regulation. Listeners learn to set realistic expectations for their kids' abilities to notice and adjust their arousal levels. The conversation also touches on exciting changes to community support and resources for trauma-informed caregiving, creating a nurturing environment for families dealing with challenging behaviors.

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INSIGHT

Self-Regulation as Monitor and Modify

Self-regulation requires the ability to notice and change one's own energy and arousal levels.
This skill is complex and involves advanced brain development of self-reflective capacities.

ANECDOTE

Therapeutic Play for Dysregulated Kids

Robyn describes working with highly dysregulated kids with limited access to self-reflective brain areas.
Therapy centered on co-regulation through play and sensory activities to build foundational brain circuits.

ADVICE

Use Playful, Nonjudgmental Language

Use nonjudgmental language describing states like watchdog and possum to help kids recognize energy without shame.
Narrate sensations and emotions playfully to grow awareness and build regulatory skills.

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Monitoring and modifying are the two essential elements of regulation. ~ Dr. Dan Siegel

When we really understand what makes up the skill of self-regulation, we can be more intentional about helping our kids develop those skills.

We can also be more understanding and compassionate when they aren't able to use those skills!

This episode explores the skills of monitoring (noticing) and modifying (changing) our level of arousal and activation as the main ingredients of self-regulation.

Remember that self-regulation can only develop with enough co-regulation. But once there is a strong foundation of co-regulation, we can encourage our kids to develop the skills to notice and change (when appropriate or needed!) their level of arousal.

In this episode, you’ll learn

The main ingredients of self-regulation- monitor & modify
How to scaffold up to teaching kids to monitor and modify
How to have appropriate expectations about your child’s ability to monitor and modify, even after they have learned the skills

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

The Whole-Brain Child - Dr. Dan Siegal
No-Drama Discipline - Dr. Dan Siegal

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/ingredient

Professionals who work with parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors!

Join us for Reframing Resistance: Supporting Parents and Caregivers thru the Lens of Relational Neuroscience.

See the website for all details and to register!

RobynGobbel.com/ReframingResistance

Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources!
You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying, boundaries, and co-regulation!

RobynGobbel.com/FreeResources

:::

The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store

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Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

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Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)