358: Do you trust men? (ft. Jason Lange)

When I ask my male friends, "Do you trust men?" most of them say, pretty unequivocally, "No."

Why does this matter?

A lot of our clients come to us because they want to improve their dynamics with women. Whether they're single and dating or partnered and seeking more sex, intimacy, closeness, or harmony with their woman, there's a lot of focus on women.

So what does a man's relationship to men have to do with it? Why does it matter to know whether you trust men, if you're working on healthy relationships and sex with women?

For one, as Jason puts it: "As a man, if you have never experienced healthy masculine energy on the outside, it is almost certain you will have a hard time trusting it inside yourself, too."

And if you don't trust your own inner masculine, it will be very challenging for you to generate sexual polarity, set boundaries, or go after the things you want (including women and intimacy).

The thing is, most men don't trust men because a lot of men aren't trust-able! Millions of boys and young men are bullied, for example. Whether by a parent, sibling, or classmate, a large percentage of men experience bullying as children, teenagers, or adults.

As the medical director for the LA Department of Children and Family Services puts it, "A bully gains power in a relationship by reducing another’s, and shows little regard for the consequences to a victim’s health or well-being."

Fortunately you can reclaim your relationship to the healthy masculine, and this will directly impact you having a healthy relationship with yourself as well as women in your life.

Whether you're single looking for dating advice, married looking for relationship advice, or somewhere in between, this is a vital -- and often under-explored -- topic.

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Quotes from this episode:

• "Many men have been the recipient of masculine dysregulation."
• "One of the big crises for men is lack of role models."
• "The patriarchy is extremely damaging to men."
• "It’s a step a lot of guys want to skip."
• "The sense is on-guard vigilance."
• "All I have to do is be here."
• "Men can become my allies."
• "Masculinity is a transmission, and without witnessing the healthy, deep versions of it is essential."
• "The power of groups is healing peer relationships."

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Mentioned on this episode:

• DM 114: Bullying, resilience, and relationships