Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide ERP 498: Turn Toward, Turn On: How Couples Grow Desire (Not Just Talk About It) — An Interview with Dr. Diane Mueller
Why is it that talking about desire and intimacy with your partner can feel more intimidating than any other conversation in a relationship, even when you've shared years—or decades—together? So many couples silently struggle with mismatched libido, lost spark, or simply the discomfort of broaching sensitive topics about sex and pleasure. When left unspoken, these issues have the power to erode connection and joy in long-term relationships. If you've ever wondered why desire seems to fade, or why candid discussions about passion feel off-limits, you're not alone.
In this episode, listeners are invited to explore how couples can move beyond just talking about desire and actually grow it together. Through stories, scientific insights, and actionable strategies, the conversation unpacks the barriers to open communication about sexuality—from shame and defensiveness to the physical and emotional roots of low libido. Along the way, listeners will learn how to build safety, cultivate presence, and consciously turn toward intimacy, laying the foundation for a relationship that's vibrant, resilient, and full of authentic connection. Whether you're seeking new energy with your partner or looking for tools to nurture your own sexual self-awareness, this episode is packed with practical guidance to help you rediscover your spark—together.
Dr. Diane Mueller, ND, DAOM, is a board certified sexologist with dual doctorates in Naturopathic as well as Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine. She is the founder of the sex education center: MyLibidoDoc.com and hosts 'The Libido Lounge' podcast, where she helps monogamous couples create more passion, desire, hotter sex and better communication.
Episode Highlights
06:23 Dr. Diane Mueller's journey from healing vulvar pain to embracing sexual wellness.
07:48 Navigating relationship styles and lessons learned from open relationships in the pursuit of lasting passion.
10:34 The importance of open sexual communication and overcoming shame in relationships.
16:27 Building a foundation of safety and how positive feedback strengthens sexual communication.
25:24 Presence and pleasure, and the mindfulness connection for enhancing sexual experience.
30:13 Embracing emotions in sexuality, including the role of anger and emotional expression in intimacy.
36:12 Identifying dissociation and cultivating presence to deepen sexual experience.
37:47 Harnessing sex for healing by using altered states and partner practices for growth.
41:36 Personal growth and relationship success with reflections on healing, compatibility, and lasting love.
Your Check List of Actions to Take
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Start open and honest conversations about sex and desire with your partner to reduce shame and taboo.
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Give specific, positive feedback after intimacy to build safety and connection.
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Clearly discuss and define your relationship agreements and boundaries together.
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Practice being present during intimate moments through mindful breathing or grounding exercises.
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Try a sensual touch practice, like giving each other foot massages, while focusing on sensation and awareness.
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Reflect on any personal beliefs or shame around sexuality and seek ways to address or release them.
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Take time to identify your own turn-ons and communicate these clearly to your partner.
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Use physical intimacy as an opportunity to process emotions, such as through movement, sound, or affirmations.
Mentioned
Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)
Revive Your Love Life: 5 Easy Steps for MindBlowing Orgasms and Romance (link) (Free ebook)
The Libido Quiz (quiz)
YourUnique Sex Language (quiz)
Libido Lounge (podcast)
ERP 362: Understanding & Increasing Sexual Desire — An Interview with Dr. Lori Brotto
Evolve in Love (program)
Evolve In Love Discovery Session with Dr. Jessica Higgins (Acuity booking link)
Connect with Dr. Diane Mueller
Websites: mylibidodoc.com
Facebook: facebook.com/groups/1678228482662878
YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCfWNwoCl4f4WMHpagB2KQsw
Instagram: instagram.com/mylibidodoc