Life Coaching with Christine Hassler EP 255: Healing Anger with Sean
This call is a deep dive into what causes anger and what lies beneath the surface of anger. As a child, today’s caller, Sean, experienced emotional abuse from his parents. He would like to move past managing his anger and start healing it. Oftentimes, men put on a mask and reject the scared little boy who experienced wounding. And in many ways, little boys are more sensitive and tender than little girls but they are told to hide their feelings.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode255]
Men deal with anger in aggressive or passive ways. If anger isn’t dealt with in a healthy way, men either become aggressive and have outbursts such as yelling and throwing things, putting those they love through emotional turmoil. Or, they are super-passive and withdraw. They allow other people, especially women to push them around and emasculate them. Passive anger gets turned inward because they become incredibly self-critical. Anger left unprocessed or anger left unhealed creates incredible self-criticism. We are hard on ourselves when we have unprocessed anger.
When we communicate from a wounded place we can be lethal. People can’t hear us because they have to defend themselves.
A lot of times when we attempt to avoid sadness, we laugh. We default to humor because our pain is so big that it is hard to feel it. I encourage people to go into the pain on a regular basis and own the anger to break out of the cycle.
When we tap into anger it can feel scary. It is important to have someone who can hold a safe space for us.
On the last weekend of August, we are offering another Virtual Inner Child Workshop. This event is for those ready to do deep, internal work. The early bird discount of $100 off is available until July 31st. Visit ChristineHassler.com/innerchild or email Jill@ChristineHassler.com. If you can’t attend the workshop in its entirety you will have access to it for 30-days.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
- How is your temper? Do you tend to hold things inside and then, once you reach your breaking point, you snap?
- Do you often react in an angry or impatient way and you feel scared or hurt people in your life?
- As a child, did you truly feel like someone held space for your emotions?
- Are there people in your life, perhaps even your parents, that you cannot forgive, even though intellectually, you know you should?
Sean’s Question:
Sean has a sizable amount of anger and would like guidance on how to release it.
Sean’s Key Insights and Ahas:
- He is married with children.
- He’s grown tired of causing chaos in his home.
- There was mental and emotional abuse in his childhood home.
- He had an eating disorder.
- He judges himself for being angry.
- He has tried to express his feelings.
- He has done personal and grief work.
- He gets triggered when he feels criticized.
- His current family dynamic reminds him of his childhood.
- He uses humor as a coping mechanism.
- He judges his parents.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
- Acknowledge that it is healthy to have anger.
- Find a healthy physical release for the anger.
- Be mindful of using humor as a deflection.
- Connect with his inner child when he is triggered to anger.
- Release his feelings with writing.
- Stop blaming his parents and own his feelings.
- Give himself unconditional love and acceptance.
- Discontinue managing his wounds and start healing them.
Takeaways:
- Look at your relationship with anger. Do you relate to being the more outburst aggressive or are you more passive and internalize it?
- Create a space for you to do the temper tantrum technique. Go to ChristineHassler.com/angerrelease for a free download.
- Join us in August for the Inner Child Workshop.
- Own those parts of yourself you may not like so much. If you continue to shame, judge, and blame them, they are not going to heal.
Sponsor:
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Resources:
Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
Assist@ChristineHassler.com
Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services.
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