At Peace Parents Podcast Ep. 95 - Where Parents, Therapists and Teachers of PDA Children and Teens Get Stuck
Jan 17, 2025
This episode delves into common challenges faced by parents, therapists, and teachers of PDA children. It discusses rethinking demands and understanding cognitive loops that lead to resistance. The importance of perceived autonomy and equalizing behaviors is highlighted, along with the impact of cumulative nervous system activation on basic needs. Additionally, strategies for building safety through small accommodations and prioritizing relational safety over skill acquisition are explored. Timelines for change are addressed, emphasizing the uniqueness of each child's journey.
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Autonomy Over Simple Demand Avoidance
- PDA is better understood as a pervasive drive for autonomy and equality rather than simple refusal to follow demands.
- This shift reveals many PDA behaviors (fixations, equalizing, risky acts) are about autonomy, not mere oppositionality.
Fixations Are Nervous System Responses
- Many PDA behaviors (cognitive loops, fixations on forbidden items) are driven by nervous system responses, not intent to avoid requests.
- Treating these as demand-avoidance mislabels the root cause and misguides responses.
Equalizing Restores Felt Equality
- Equalizing behaviors (knocking spices, controlling conversation) restore perceived equality after losses of autonomy.
- These acts are regulatory, not manipulative demands, and don't fit classic demand-avoidance models.
