Ep 46 — Annabelle Seife, PhD — Commitment: What It Takes to Build a Lasting Relationship
Jul 31, 2023
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Dr. Annabelle Seife, founder of Before the Leap, teaches couples the necessary skills to build a strong foundation for their relationship. They discuss defining commitment, types of couples therapy, fears and challenges of commitment, and the meaning behind marriage.
Commitment in a relationship goes beyond societal expectations and can be defined by each couple based on their unique experience.
Open communication and acknowledging each partner's efforts can create a more positive wedding planning experience.
Deep dives
Commitment in Relationships
Commitment in a relationship is defined as the dedication to the relationship and a shared vision of the future, demonstrated through action and intention. It involves fostering connection and respect. Being committed to a relationship has benefits like generating a sense of higher purpose and fostering generosity and collaboration. Commitment can happen in different ways and at different stages of a relationship, and it is not limited to following societal expectations or milestones. Each couple has the ability to choose their own markers of commitment based on their unique relationship experience.
Navigating Wedding Planning
Wedding planning can be a source of stress and conflict for couples. The pressure to create a perfect day and meet societal expectations can lead to feelings of inadequacy and disappointment. It is important for couples to communicate openly and directly about their expectations, values, and desires related to the wedding. Familiar issues around division of labor, boundaries with family, and communication styles often arise during wedding planning. Viewing the process as a shared project and acknowledging the unseen efforts of each partner can help create a more cohesive and positive experience.
Fear of Commitment
The fear of commitment often stems from an intimacy dilemma, the struggle to balance being close to someone while retaining one's individuality. Past experiences, attachment styles, and fear of rejection or inadequacy can contribute to this fear. It is important to address these fears and beliefs about commitment in order to navigate relationships effectively. Open communication, reflection on personal wishes and expectations, and developing emotion skills can help individuals and couples work through their fear of commitment.
Changing Trends in Marriage
Marriage rates have been declining in recent years due to various factors. Changes in gender roles, financial independence, increased focus on individualism and self-improvement, and questioning of traditional institutions and norms have contributed to this trend. Many couples are redefining commitment and exploring alternative forms of long-term partnership outside of marriage. There is a shift towards personalizing commitment milestones and choosing what works best for each individual relationship. The focus is on building a strong foundation, open communication, and mutual respect rather than conforming to societal expectations.
Annabelle Seife, Ph.D., is the founder of Before the Leap, a course for contemporary commitment. She teaches couples the necessary skills to build a strong foundation for their relationship and helps partners have important conversations. We highly recommend this episode to anyone contemplating commitment or who has already taken steps to build a shared life with their partner.
We recently launched Modern Mind, a new group practice for individuals and couples in New York City. If you’re experiencing a sense of stuckness in your life or relationship, we’re here to help. Visit our website to learn more about the practice.
LOVELINK is hosted by Brooklyn-based therapists Dr. Signe Simon and Dr. Simone Humphrey. To learn more about our work, visit lovelink.co. If you’d like to contact us directly, send us an email to info@lovelink.co.
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