Escaping a cult: physically, mentally, and emotionally (with Daniella Mestyanek Young)
Nov 8, 2023
auto_awesome
Daniella Mestyanek Young, a third-generation member of the Children of God cult turned intelligence officer, shares her gripping journey of escape and transformation. She discusses the unique challenges faced by children born into cults compared to adult recruits. The conversation explores the disturbing normalization of abuse within cults and the military, revealing how control tactics, like food deprivation and sexual manipulation, create psychological scars. Daniella also addresses the urgent need for reform in military culture, drawing parallels with cult-like dynamics.
Growing up in a religious cult can profoundly shape a person's worldview and personal identity.
Control mechanisms within cults often include isolation, physical punishment, and sexual abuse.
The military and cults share similarities in terms of control tactics and the prevalence of sexual assault and abuse, highlighting the need for systemic changes and cultural reform.
Deep dives
Growing up in a religious cult
Daniella Messianek Young shares her experience of growing up in a religious cult called the Children of God. She explains how the group's beliefs revolved around sex, including forced polyamory and religious prostitution. As a child, she was raised in an intense commune environment where the group moved around the world preaching about Jesus and believing in the impending apocalypse. Daniella discusses the impact of being born into the cult and how it shaped her worldview and personal identity.
Group control and the effects on individuals
The podcast explores the mechanisms of control within religious cults and the impact it has on individuals. Daniella highlights the use of isolation, physical punishment, and sexual abuse as means of control. She explains how cult leaders justify their actions through religious beliefs and the unquestioning loyalty of their followers. She also discusses the long-lasting effects of growing up in such an environment, including the struggle to form healthy relationships and identify what real love is.
Sexual assault and abuse in the military
The episode delves into the issue of sexual assault and abuse within the military, particularly against women. Daniella shares her personal experiences of harassment and assault while serving in the military. She sheds light on the prevalence of such incidents and the culture of silence and victim blaming that often surrounds them. She highlights the need for systemic changes within the military, including accountability for perpetrators, cultural reform, and the inclusion of women's voices in shaping policies and procedures.
Cult-like experiences and escape
The podcast episode features the life story of a woman who grew up in a cult known as the 'Children of God' and discusses her journey of realizing the cult's true nature and planning her escape. The speaker shares how a pivotal moment during the 9/11 terrorist attacks made her question her upbringing and eventually led to her decision to leave. During her time in the cult, she experienced brainwashing, attempts at saving her through exorcisms, and strategically rebelled by engaging in acts that would lead to her expulsion. She reflects on the difficulties and challenges of escaping the cult and starting a new life outside.
From cult to the military
After escaping the cult, the speaker joined the military, which she acknowledges also exhibits cult-like aspects. She describes how her lack of exposure to American culture shielded her from knowing the potential negative aspects of the military. Seeking a sense of purpose and belonging, she found herself drawn to the military. Despite the militaristic environment and parallels between the two, such as self-sacrifice and suppression of individuality, she believed she could thrive due to her previous experience adhering to group dynamics in the cult. She highlights the striking similarities between rape culture and sexual violence in both the cult and the military, shedding light on the unique challenges women face in the military, emphasizing the need for change and progress.
How do the experiences of children born into cults differ from members who join as adults? Why do some cults that grow out of western evangelical Christianity — which is notoriously obsessed with purity culture — often flip the script about sex and turn promiscuity into a virtue? How does age affect the ease with which one internalizes cult programming? To what extent do cult members approve of sexual abuses committed the name of religion? What sort of tactics do cult leaders employ to keep members from leaving? In what ways are militaries like cults? Why has the US military been so slow to fix its culture of rape and abuse of women? What are "thought-stopping" clichés? What defines a cult? What are the often unseen or less tangible consequences of leaving a cult? What sins are considered unforgivable in a cult? What are some examples of cult-like groups that don't necessarily meet every single criterion for cult-ness?
Daniella Mestyanek Young was born a third-generation member of the infamous Children of God religious cult. She grew up being trafficked around the world before escaping that life and moving to America at age 15. She put herself through high school and graduated as college valedictorian before commissioning into the US Army as an intelligence officer. She deployed twice to Afghanistan (in 2011 and 2014) and became a member of one of the Army's first Female Engagement Teams (an experiment that put women into deliberate ground combat for the first time in Army history and eventually led to the repeal of the sexist combat ban and the gender desegregation of the entire US military). She is a proud daughter of the 101st (the unit featured in Band of Brothers), a recipient of the Presidential Volunteer Service Award from President Obama, and is currently pursuing a Master of Arts in Organizational Psychology at the Harvard Extension School where she focuses her research on group behavior, social norms, culture, extremism, leadership demagoguery, and cults. Learn more about her at her website, uncultureyourself.com.
