Leading a good life doesn’t always mean leading an easy one

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Sep 21, 2024

Lorraine Besser, a philosophy professor at Middlebury College and author of *The Art of the Interesting*, discusses the complexities of leading a fulfilling life. She emphasizes that true happiness often lies in embracing challenges, discomfort, and 'psychological richness' rather than merely pursuing pleasure. Besser argues that meaningful experiences come from navigating obstacles and that seeking fulfillment involves valuing the journey over the destination. Her insights challenge conventional notions of happiness, advocating for resilience and curiosity in the face of life's adversities.

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ANECDOTE

Lorraine Besser's Turning Point

Lorraine Besser shares how achieving tenure brought brief relief but highlighted the emptiness in other life areas.
This personal upheaval led her to explore happiness beyond career success, focusing on social connections and fulfillment.

INSIGHT

Happiness vs. Meaning Defined

Happiness consists mainly of pleasure, while meaning involves fulfillment from purpose and achievement.
Both are valuable but represent different mental states contributing to a good life.

INSIGHT

The Arrival Fallacy Reality

The arrival fallacy shows fulfilling a long-pursued goal often yields only short-lived satisfaction.
Life's sacrifices for achievement can feel unjustified when payoff emotions fade quickly.

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What does it mean to lead a happy and fulfilling life?

Most of us seek happiness through pleasure, calm, and order — preferring to avoid the discomfort, confrontation, and anxiety that comes from obstacles and challenges. And while less worry and work, along with more time to relax and have fun may sound appealing… Life rarely happens as we plan it and that might just be a good thing.

According to philosopher Lorraine Besser: “There is this notion that we have, that once we get to the end goal we'll experience fulfillment. [We think] that justifies making all these sacrifices to [our] day to day lives in pursuit of this kind of elusive goal.”

Besser, professor of philosophy at Middlebury College and author of The Art of the Interesting; What We Miss in Our Pursuit of the Good Life and How to Cultivate It argues that there’s an overlooked and important element to leading a good life called “psychological richness.” Besser says, “what makes psychologically rich experiences distinct is that they're not always pleasant.”

“The good life,” Besser argues, “is not always going to be this perfect, safe, [and] happy one. But the good life is going to be a life that involves challenges and putting yourself in uncomfortable places.” Besser explains further that this is not a matter of reframing the difficulties and obstacles. “Many of us feel that, when we're experiencing painful feelings, there's only really two routes available,” Besser shares. “Either we've just got to block them out and [not] let them invade our lives, or we've got to somehow turn them around and make them good.”

Instead, Besser tells us, “there is another really important way. We can just sit with them and allow ourselves to feel them. Those difficulties and the uncomfortableness will prompt the kind of cognitive engagement we're looking for, if you allow it to sink in.”

A “good life,” involves embracing all emotions. Even if those little surprises are unpleasant and might (on the surface) make us feel less happy, they are all part of life. According to Besser, “they don't have to interfere with our living good lives, so we can embrace them and experience value from them.”

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