Setting Boundaries with Kindness

21 snips

Dec 13, 2024

In this discussion, Jess Miller, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with 12 years of experience and creator of the "Mind Your Boundaries" Instagram channel, shares her expertise on setting healthy boundaries. They explore the emotional challenges of boundary-setting, like anxiety and guilt. Jess distinguishes toxic boundaries from healthy ones while emphasizing kindness and clear communication. Listeners gain insights on managing familial and workplace boundaries, navigating guilt, and the importance of self-assertion in fostering trust and respect.

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INSIGHT

Boundaries and Resentment

Setting boundaries prevents resentment in relationships.
Boundaries are an act of self-love, not selfishness.

ANECDOTE

People-Pleasing and Burnout

Jess Miller identifies as a recovering people-pleaser.
She used to overextend herself, leading to burnout and difficulty setting limits.

ANECDOTE

Avoiding Conflict Creates Resentment

Emma McAdam shares an anecdote about a conflict with her mother-in-law over a wrong food order.
Avoiding conflict by not expressing her needs led to resentment.

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Learn to Mind your Boundaries with Jess: https://www.youtube.com/@UCpFOiBujrj00OAxWnCpsX_g

Free Guide to manage holiday boundaries: https://crafty-composer-5127.kit.com/55a7a3a7e9

Today, I'm super excited that we're going to be talking about boundaries with a boundaries expert, Jess Miller. We'll explore the nitty gritty of setting boundaries. Why do we feel anxious when we do it? Why do we feel guilty after we do it? Why do we maybe shake or cry when we do it? What's the difference between being mean and setting a boundary? What's the difference between an ultimatum and setting a boundary? What do toxic boundaries look like and how Jess shifted in her approach from being a people pleaser to healthy, gentle boundary setting, even with mother in laws.

Jess Miller is a licensed marriage and family therapist. She has 12 years of clinical experience, and she's also a creator that I love on Instagram. Her channel is called Mind Your Boundaries.

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Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health. In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger Institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.

And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/believe

If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services.