How to Negotiate with Someone when they Intimidate You

How to Negotiate Your Salary Even When You're Intimidated by Your Counterpart

Links

Impact of Deep Breathing Peer Reviewed Study: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/psyp.13091

Free Audio Training on How to Negotiate your Salary

https://www.dorothymashburn.com/fightforyourworth

Script to use when negotiating with someone when they may be in the Dominant category of communicators - Scroll to the bottom of this blogpost

https://www.dorothymashburn.com/post/howtonegotiateyoursalaryconfidence

Transcript

Hi I'm your host, Dorothy Mashburn, and welcome to salary negotiations made simple. Here I show you how negotiating does not have to be overwhelming. I break the entire process of negotiating into easy to learn steps that you can use in any salary negotiation situation.

Whether you're starting a new job. Or preparing to ask for a raise. Expect to receive practical, actionable strategies that are based on real life experiences. I'll be sharing tips that have been proven to work where professionals like you have netted anywhere from $5000 to $40,000 more in compensation. Its payment for the skills you bring, so you need to know how to ask for payment.

Those skills don't settle for less. Are you ready to learn how to boost your earnings? Let's dive in. Welcome to today's episode how to negotiate with someone when they intimidate us.

In today's episode, we are going to cover how to negotiate with somebody when they intimidate us. Normalize impostor syndrome, a foolproof formula on how to negotiate with someone who is in that intimidation category. While deep breathing helps us negotiate better and an actual script to use when negotiating with your counterpart. Last week we discussed the disk framework, a simple tool for understanding personality and communication types.

Before we begin, I want you to understand that the disk framework is just one tool. It provides a broad awareness of your counterparts behavior style, not exactly a prescriptive tool. But it gives you some general brush strokes that allows you to customize the message so that your counterpart receives it loudly. There are lots of other powerful frameworks out there for sure. Clifton strengths by the Gallup organization is a powerful one that strengths assessment is 34 talent themes and they're categorized into four different domains. They're called strategic thinking, execution, influence, and relationship building.

Before I begin, the point that I'm trying to make is there are lots of different frameworks that are very effective in understanding how people receive information and what type of information appeals best to a particular communication or personality style. The thing I want you to take away from this is user framework that is intuitive to you. For this podcast episode today we are going to focus on the disc because it is easy enough to follow and it allows you to quickly adapt your message while you're talking to the person because it's just four different areas.

Once you get comfortable with negotiations, understanding your counterpart and analyzing what resonates best. You can start diving deeper even within these various frameworks. Today, we'll dive deeper into just one particular personality or communication style, which is the dominant type, which is why we call this podcast how to negotiate with someone when they intimidate us. We call with the dominant type. You cannot persuade them with feelings or relationships. Instead, they're going to be focused on results. And achievements. And then as the conversation evolves, you introduce your willingness to find a win, win solution. You will report, you inject stories and then the relationship happens, but you have to talk to them in the language that works best with their personality type. For example, instead of saying I was a great marketer at my previous job, say I delivered a 13% increase in the first three months of sales because I launched the customer first campaign or I reduced cost by 24% by optimizing 5 plant networks into two.

A good way to Orient yourself on this type. Of a pitch. Is think about the personality of a well known figure like Simon Cowell or Oprah or Gordon Ramsay or Hillary Clinton. You can also pick someone in your immediate circle of friends, somebody who you believe is this particular dominant personality type, and then develop your message from there.

As you know, we don't like to make broad statements in this podcast. We want to give you actual examples. Let's assume you're applying for a project manager position and have received a job offer once you reviewed it, you believe that you deserve another $20,000 in base salary. L

et's also assume that you have determined that the hiring manager with whom you will negotiate is a dominant type of communicator. Somebody who talks about achievements, winning and results.

It is common for people in this communication style to be seen as uncaring, perhaps abrasive. It is possible that you are more intimidated to ask because of the intensity of this person. So here's what I want you. To do do not negotiate against yourself. Because you're intimidated. And I'm not saying it, this is for everyone. Some people will be just fine, but some might be more intimidated. It will be very tempting to justify out of what you think you're worth because you are more than ready to get rid of your anxiety. Don't do that.

Trust me, you have to get over that intimidation factor at some point during your career, so you might as well do it today. You can negotiate with someone who intimidates you. You can do it. Trust me, it has been done. I have done it. I have seen hundreds of people do it, so let's take it one step. At a time. We can absolutely formulate a step by step plan that works best with this type of a manager. First of all, because of their intensity, and because you might be intimidated, you've got to identify and acknowledge it. It is very normal to have impostor thoughts.

Usually I don't like saying impostor syndrome because it is so overused in popular vocabulary, but it is perfectly normal to use impostor thoughts, because that will define the self doubt, nervousness, and questions that you might have once you start feeling anxiety over negotiations. When you feel those feelings, the butterflies in your stomach, the sweaty palms, whatever anxiety looks like for you, it is critical that you acknowledge that this might happen and what you do from here is you normalize it.

And how do you do that?

The way to do it is say something to yourself, such as this is an important negotiations. The stakes are high, so of course I'm nervous. And then instead of getting wrapped up in self doubt and asking yourself if you deserve. Or is this the right time to ask, or basically talking yourself out of it? Start planning your negotiation. Planning helps you get out of that vicious cycle of do I deserve it? Should I say something? Start thinking about your accomplishments and achievements, the things that you know are true of your skills and expertise. It is going to take some time and willpower to do this. Take the time you need, do some self reflection. It is worth it, I promise.

Next, you're going to craft your pitch. We know a dominant communicator values, results and accomplishments, so your pitch should focus on your results and your achievements. Make sure you're providing actual numbers on how you successfully achieved something. Let's assume that you're interviewing for a project manager job. Instead of saying I delivered many successful projects, you will say I delivered project X3 weeks ahead of schedule and under budget by 30%. And because of that launch sales increased by 20% in the first three months of launch because we were able to take advantage of our competitors back order. You are providing specific metrics. And data on every single claim. Again, remember from the audio training, don't wing it whenever you get any sort of negotiation training from me, just expect that I will say that.

Don't wing it.

Practice and practice and practice everything that is worth anything is achieved because somebody practiced the heck out of it and so that is exactly what I want you to do.

I have provided you with this free script in the show notes. Make sure. And download it and then. You can of course tweak it to however you need it practicing your pitch.

This is especially critical if your communication style is not in the dominant category. This kind of a pitch might feel like bragging to you, so if you're somebody, say in the influential category, talking about just results and achievements might feel awkward, even daunting. So practice it several times.

Here I will borrow a little trick from our friends in cognitive behavior therapy. They use this technique called exposure therapy to help reduce phobias. It's called exposure therapy because the idea is that if you're nervous about something, the more you're exposed to it, the less that thing looks scary. So if someone is afraid of snakes. For example, first they look at a picture of a snake, then they watch one on TV, then they go to the zoo to look at that snake, then to the pet store. And maybe someday they will touch and. Pet the snake. You see where I'm going with it?

The more you're exposed to something, the less nerve racking it is.

So This is why I ask you to practice your pitch to reduce any intimidation factor or impostor thoughts. Two days prior to your negotiations due and exposure therapy of of sorts.

First, you will practice your pitch while getting ready in the morning. Then perhaps in the living room, then in your backyard, then in front of your monitor in your office, and then finally in the interview room where you will do the negotiation. There are many benefits of this, the main one being you have taken away the fear of the unknown. You're less nervous because the environment and the message is familiar. No threat, no anxiety right before the negotiation.

I want you to practice deep breathing. And here's something from neuropsychology that is very interesting. I want you to understand how deep breathing helps us. I will link the study in the show notes, but the gist is this. When you take deep breaths using your diaphragm, it increases the hormone in your body called nor adrenaline and keeps that hormone at a nice and easy level. At that level, the hormone keeps your focus and attention sharp, while also maintaining lowered anxiety levels. Think of it as a fertilizer for the brain. Too little, not so good too much is also not good. When you have this wonderful hormone at just the right level going around your body, your brain is in a wonderful zone where you have great focus and little to no anxiety.

See how this is the perfect internal zone to negotiate like a world class negotiator. On the day of the negotiation, take deep breaths. And here is exactly what I want you to. Do breathe in for five seconds and breathe out for 10 seconds. Make sure there are deep breaths where your diaphragm is engaged. If it's just your shoulders moving, then that's not the right way to do it. Try to fill your belly with air. Got it. OK, now repeat this deep breathing five times.

Always make sure that your out breath is longer than. Your in breath. OK, now we are all prepared to deliver our pitch.

When you're making your ask, keep it concise and to the point.

Here is a five step formula.

First, thank the hiring manager for their time. Explain again why you are so excited about the opportunity you like the focus on winning the impact the organization is making, et cetera. Reinforce how you can deliver results for the organization, such as deliver a project in 11 months or increase sales by over 10%. Explain how your skills and experience can allow you to provide those results.

Third. Talk about the market value and say that you deserve a market value for purposes of this example, $20,000 extra over the base salary.

Step #4. At this point the hiring manager will ask for clarifications.

Provide your information in short, succinct order based on your market research on three different sites, what your network has given you as a data point, what you have found on indeed. You have used. Those three different sites and triage this number which you now know is the market value. Or someone who is bringing the skills and experience that you are and #5 the hiring manager will say something like let me review the budget at this point. All you have to say is thank you for your consideration. I will wait eagerly for your review and response. You may also. Ask what is an appropriate time to do a follow up.

At this point, you might be thinking, wait a second. What did they say? No, I came in here with my best. Offer first. Remember, this is not very common. Most companies will come to you with the lowest range of the market value. They think they can get away with.

But in any case, if they do say that you will counter. With, I understand. Let's discuss how we can get to my market value with the options you do have available. Then you start problem solving and how to get to the value you're seeking. Maybe it's combination of 10% equity or a one time bonus or extra paid days off. This is the creative way to get to the original market value.

The extra $20,000 you had asked for the overall comment or the overall take away from this entire episode, the thing to remember is when you were discussing with somebody. And that dominant personality type.

Do not put any fluff. There is no need for unnecessary information. In fact, it's actually bad for you because they're not receiving any of that fluffy information anymore.

In fact, they might have forgotten the information that was relevant to them in the 1st place. You will lose them. At the cost of contradicting myself, I will repeat it one more time.

People get in the habit of repeating themselves because they feel that their message will resonate more. But our brains are cheapskates when it comes to processing information, less is more when it comes to influencing people. Remember the mantra I gave you a few episodes back when you get what you want, stop talking. There you have it, my friends. How to negotiate with someone when they intimidate you.

Remember, much of negotiation is getting over fear and standing up for.

To believe when you get your mind wrapped around that simple but powerful concept, you will start approaching every negotiation in a step by step method. It won't happen overnight, but it will happen, and with each successful one under your belt, you will regain your voice and your power.

Make sure and grab the free negotiations training at dorothymashburn.com/fight for your worth.

I'm signing off for today. Thank you for listening and bye for now.