ERP 493: What Happened to Our Sex Life? Understanding What’s Going On with Me—and Us—in the Bedroom — An Interview with Dr. Kate Balestrieri

Sep 9, 2025

49:01

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About this Episode

What happened to our sex life? It’s a question that so many couples and individuals ask themselves in silence, often with a mix of confusion, frustration, and vulnerability. Desire seems to disappear overnight. Intimacy becomes awkward or routine. Shame and self-doubt creep in, making it all the harder to talk about what’s really going on—let alone figure out how to reconnect. The problem isn't just about mismatched libido or busy schedules. It's about navigating the invisible scripts, societal expectations, stress, and even past wounds that shape our most intimate experiences.

In this episode, we dive deep into understanding the roots of sexual disconnection and desire discrepancies–from personal identity and past experiences to relational habits and cultural messaging. Through empathetic discussion and expert insights, the conversation invites listeners to explore both individual and relational factors that impact their sex lives, offering practical strategies for reclaiming intimacy, self-awareness, and genuine pleasure. Whether you’re looking to rekindle passion, start new conversations, or simply better understand your own needs, this episode delivers compassionate tools and supportive perspectives to help you navigate the complex terrain of modern sexual relationships.

Dr. Kate Balestrieri is the author of What Happened to My Sex Life? and a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist focused on helping people heal from trauma and addiction, improve relationships, and have better sex lives. She is the founder of Modern Intimacy, a counseling practice that operates in Los Angeles, Miami, and Chicago, and a passionate advocate for mental health, relational and sexual health, and wellness.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. Episode Highlights

03:08 Kate’s personal and clinical journey exploring lost desire.

08:46 How identity and culture influence sexual expression.

11:32 Confronting fear and questioning sexual norms.

15:12 Creating safety to discuss and explore new desires.

18:39 Building safety and self-awareness around intimacy.

20:56 Unpacking shame, fantasies, and compulsive sexual behavior.

26:17 Understanding that fluctuating desire is normal.

29:04 The impact of stress and lifestyle on libido.

31:22 Prioritizing self-care and space for intimacy.

35:04 Practicing rolling consent and daily connection.

37:51 Rethinking gender roles in intimacy.