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Lex Fridman Podcast
#282 – David Buss: Sex, Dating, Relationships, and Sex Differences
May 4, 2022
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03:38:34
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Quick takeaways
- Mating strategies shaped human evolution, with long-term pair-bonding and male competition playing significant roles.
- Concealed ovulation led to the evolution of complex emotions like love and attachment in humans.
- Physical appearance, fitness, and a high shoulder-to-hip ratio are important factors in mate selection.
- Media and societal influences can distort perceptions of attractiveness, leading to lower self-esteem and body image issues.
- Women have diverse motivations for engaging in sexual activities, ranging from physical pleasure to feeling closer to God.
- Pornography consumption can lead to unrealistic expectations about sex, relationships, and hinder personal growth.
Deep dives
Importance of Mating Strategies in Human Evolution
Mating strategies play a crucial role in human evolution. Our long-term pair-bonding, exclusive to humans, has driven the evolution of complex mating psychology. Males invest in parenting, unlike our closest primate relatives, and male competition is significant in human mating. Reputational warfare, both through verbal language and physical prowess, is a key aspect of mate competition. Women have a wide range of characteristics they consider in mate selection, including physical attractiveness, intelligence, and shared values. Men prioritize physical appearance and youth when selecting long-term mates, while short-term mating is focused on physical attractiveness for both sexes.
Exploring the Significance of Concealed Ovulation and Human Mating
Humans have concealed ovulation, unlike chimpanzees. This means that women do not show clear signs of fertility like chimpanzee females do during estrus. Long-term pair-bonding and concealed ovulation are evolutionary counterparts. Concealed ovulation necessitates longer-term commitment in mating strategies, leading to the evolution of complex emotions like love and attachment. However, short-term mating still plays a significant role in humans, and women engage in mate switching as a strategy to secure better partners or transition back into the mating market. This challenges the traditional view of women seeking good genes in short-term mates.
Physical Appearance and Mating Preferences
Physical appearance, fitness, and a relatively high shoulder-to-hip ratio are important factors in human mating preferences. Men tend to prioritize physical attractiveness, while women consider a combination of physical appearance, intelligence, and sense of humor. Women often compare themselves to unrealistic standards portrayed in media, which can contribute to lower self-esteem and eating disorders. The fashion industry and societal influences can distort perceptions of attractiveness. There is evidence of an evolutionary mismatch, as modern media bombard individuals with images that do not accurately represent the competition in the mating market.
Objectification, Standards of Beauty, and Media Influence
The objectification of bodies in media, combined with an emphasis on unrealistic beauty standards, can have negative effects on body image and self-esteem, particularly for women. The modern digital age magnifies social comparisons, leading to feelings of inadequacy and potentially harmful behaviors. Social media platforms can exacerbate these issues, as images are curated and manipulated to present an idealized appearance. Challenging these unrealistic standards and promoting body positivity is important for fostering healthier attitudes towards physical appearance and promoting self-acceptance.
Sexual Motivations and Variety
Women have a wide range of motivations for engaging in sexual activities. It can range from physical pleasure, stress relief, to getting revenge or even feeling closer to God. There are various reasons why women have sex, and it can be a complex combination of physical, emotional, and psychological factors.
Different Kinds of Sex and Fetishes
Human sexuality is diverse, and individuals have different preferences and desires when it comes to sexual experiences. These can include a wide range of kinks, fantasies, and specific preferences for certain acts or objects. Fetishes, for example, tend to be more common in males and can be influenced by early sexual experiences or conditioning.
Polyamory and Non-Monogamous Relationships
Relationships and sexual practices can vary, and some people engage in non-monogamous relationships, such as polyamory. Polyamory involves having multiple consensual romantic and sexual partnerships simultaneously. It requires open communication, trust, and agreements made between all partners involved.
Impact of Pornography on Mating and Sexual Psychology
The accessibility of pornography in the digital age has had an impact on human sexuality and mating behavior. It provides a diverse range of sexual content and experiences that can alter individuals' perceptions of sex and their sexual preferences. However, the effects of pornography can vary among individuals and may influence their sexual interests and desires.
The Influence of Pornography on Expectations in Relationships
Pornography consumption can lead to unrealistic expectations about sex and relationships. For example, men who heavily consume pornography may develop unrealistic expectations about breast size or the sexual acrobatics depicted in adult films. This can negatively impact their real-life relationships and put pressure on their partners to fulfill these unrealistic expectations.
The Detrimental Effects of Pornography and Addiction
The consumption of pornography, particularly for males, can have negative effects on their pursuit of real-life relationships and their general ambition. Excessive consumption can lead to addiction, where individuals spend excessive amounts of time consuming pornography. This can dampen their motivation and hinder their personal and professional growth.
The Link Between Sex, Violence, and Human Nature
Sex and violence are linked in various ways, including in the context of incel communities and serial killers. While the connection is complex and influenced by various genetic, psychological, and cultural factors, there are examples where sexual frustration and feelings of rejection have played a role in stirring violent tendencies. It highlights the importance of understanding and managing the darker aspects of human nature.
The Controversy and Importance of Free Speech in Digital Platforms
Navigating the current climate of cancel culture and ensuring free speech is a challenge, especially for individuals like scientists who explore controversial topics. Balancing the ability to express ideas, challenge each other, and explore new concepts without fear of being silenced is crucial for fostering scientific progress and understanding human nature.
1.
Introduction
2min
2.
The Best Note-Tipping Tools for Startups
3min
3.
What Is Alpha Brain?
3min
4.
The Importance of Sex in the History of Human Civilization
5min
5.
What's the Difference Between a Traditional and a Non-Unokai?
2min
6.
The Magic Ingredient That Gives Birth to Homo Sapiens?
2min
7.
Do You Know What Mating Is?
2min
8.
Is There a Love Phase?
2min
9.
We Compete for Mates Using Language
5min
10.
Is There a Small Pool of Desirable Mates?
4min
11.
How Fast Does Our Valuation of a Mate Evolve?
4min
12.
What Do Men Really Want in a Long-Term Mate?
2min
13.
Why Men Prefer Physical Attraction More Than Women
3min
14.
Why Do Women Have Affairs?
5min
15.
Is Mate Switching a Critical Strategy?
2min
16.
Do Women Care About Biceps?
2min
17.
Do You Want a Dad Boo?
4min
18.
The Evolution of Psychology
2min
19.
Why Do Men Love Boobs?
2min
20.
Fashion and Clothing Are Importantly Related to Status
3min
21.
Yoga Pants Is One of the Greatest Inventions in Human History
2min
22.
Do You Think It Hurts Women's Self Esteem?
3min
23.
The Thickness Dimension
3min
24.
The Power and Beauty of Your Youth
2min
25.
Be Kind to Your Knees
2min
26.
Live in Northern California Once, but Leave Before It Makes You Soft
3min
27.
Are There Social, Psychological, and Sex Differences?
6min
28.
Do Humans Have a Universal Human Intense Grammar?
3min
29.
Male Coalitionary Psychology
2min
30.
What's the Purpose of Status?
2min
31.
What's the Role of Power and Wealth?
2min
32.
Why Are Men in Positions of Power More Than Women?
2min
33.
Are We All Just Trying to Get Layn?
2min
34.
Is It Good to Have Differences in Relationships?
4min
35.
Is There Value in a Relationship?
2min
36.
Is There a Toxic Masculinity in the Car?
2min
37.
Johnny Depp vs Amber Heard - What's Your Analysis?
2min
38.
Johnny Depp and Hunter Estompson - A Long Form Podcast
2min
39.
The Testing of a Bond in Relationships
4min
40.
Is It Possible for Women to Be Violent in Relationships?
3min
41.
The Dangerous Passion, Why Jealousy Is as Necessary as Love
4min
42.
Is There a Mate Value Diskrepancy?
2min
43.
Is There a Jealousy in Your Relationship?
3min
44.
Meat Poaching
2min
45.
What's the Function of the Anger?
1min
46.
What Are Your Thoughts About Polyamory?
6min
47.
Sex Differences in the Engineering Disciplines
3min
48.
Relationships
3min
49.
Why Women Have Sex, Understanding Sexual Motivations From Adventure to Revenge
2min
50.
Why Women Have Sex?
2min
51.
What's the Difference Between Rough Sex and Making Love?
2min
52.
Are Men More Sensitive to Sexual Cues?
2min
53.
Pornography
4min
54.
Pornography and Sexuality Exploration
3min
55.
Sex and Violence Are Related in Different Ways
3min
56.
How Sexual Frustration Turns Into Anger
2min
57.
Evolution Has Created Desires That Can Never Be Fulfilled
3min
58.
Are You Having Sex With a Prostitute?
4min
59.
Psychologically Is It Difficult?
3min
60.
The Myth of Valhalla
4min
61.
Is Elon Musk Buying Twitter?
2min
62.
What Does Free Speech Look Like in a Social Media Platform?
2min
63.
How to Maximize the Area Under the Curve of Human Happiness
6min
64.
The Most Fascinating Serial Killer of the True Crime
2min
65.
The Breaking of the Illusion
2min
66.
Are You Guys Oblivious?
3min
67.
Are You in a Bad Mating Relationship?
3min
68.
Mating Strategies, the Main the Mating Life
3min
69.
Is There a Culture of Digitalized Dating?
3min
70.
Is There a Way to Improve the Experience on Dating Apps?
3min
71.
I Love You, I Can't Stop Thinking About You
2min
72.
What Is Romantic Love?
2min
73.
Are They Looking for Maximized Compatibility or Maximize Resources?
2min
74.
Are You Afraid of Death?
2min
75.
Are We All Going to Die?
2min
76.
Evolutionary Psychology - What's the Meaning of Life?
2min
77.
What Is the Meaning of Life?
5min
78.
What Triggers Homicide Thoughts?
2min
79.
What Is the Ceiling?
2min
80.
David Bus - What Makes Life Worth Living?
2min
David Buss is an evolutionary psychologist at UT Austin. He is one of the founders of the field of evolutionary psychology. His current research is on sex differences in mate selection, mate attraction, infidelity, and the emotions of jealousy, lust, and love. Please support this podcast by checking out our sponsors:
– Notion: https://notion.com/startups
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EPISODE LINKS:
David’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/profdavidbuss
David’s Website: https://labs.la.utexas.edu/buss/
When Men Behave Badly (book): https://amzn.to/3y3bRVM
The Evolution of Desire (book): https://amzn.to/3kyBdTt
Evolutionary Psychology (textbook): https://amzn.to/3LExU9e
Derogation of Competitors (research paper): https://bit.ly/38G4LMa
PODCAST INFO:
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SUPPORT & CONNECT:
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– Medium: https://medium.com/@lexfridman
OUTLINE:
Here’s the timestamps for the episode. On some podcast players you should be able to click the timestamp to jump to that time.
(00:00) – Introduction
(08:04) – Sex vs Violence
(14:48) – Mating strategies
(26:44) – Social construct of beauty
(30:38) – Evolution of mating evaluation
(34:40) – Mating selection desires
(39:52) – Difficulties of monogamy
(46:16) – Importance of male appearance
(48:52) – Importance of wealth
(52:08) – Penis and breasts
(55:59) – Fashion
(58:58) – Body objectification
(1:06:33) – Wear sunscreen
(1:13:29) – Gender
(1:30:39) – What motivates humans
(1:32:29) – Dominance and submissiveness
(1:40:33) – Johnny Depp defamation trial
(1:50:24) – Jealousy
(1:58:45) – Mate poaching
(2:02:58) – Polyamory
(2:14:13) – Female vs Male sexuality
(2:23:11) – Pornography
(2:29:46) – Sex and Violence continued
(2:38:55) – Cancel culture
(2:50:38) – Elon Musk and Twitter
(2:59:02) – Serial killers
(3:04:55) – Advice for young people
(3:16:57) – Love
(3:22:57) – Mortality
(3:27:40) – Meaning of life
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