When I first read The Tragedy of Heterosexuality by Jane Ward, my life was ruined.

In it she writes, “...people cannot be rescued from forms of suffering that they themselves relate to as badges of honor.”

And, “In no way do I intend to imply that couples should spend every minute together, but if we held straight couples to basic standards of good friendship—mutual respect and affection and a sense of comfort and bondedness based on shared experience—many straight relationships would fail the test.”

These are insights that will destroy you. And as if I weren’t wrecked enough, Jane Ward, herself came on the podcast to talk about Chappell Roan, raising good kids, heteropessimism and so much more.

Jane Ward is professor and chair of Feminist Studies at University of California Santa Barbara, where she teaches and writes about gender and sexual cultures. She is the author of multiple books, including The Tragedy of Heterosexuality, described by The New York Times Book Review as "a somber, urgent academic examination of the many ways in which opposite-sex coupling can hurt the very individuals who cling to it most. "

This season was generously sponsored by Funny Girls, which is a program run by the Harnisch Foundation that uses improv to teach leadership skills to girls and nonbinary kids in grades 3 to 8. You can learn more about its work here.

Zachary Oren Smith is the producer, and Suzanne Glémot made the art for the show. And thank you to everyone who shared their stories with us.

If you loved this episode, we have a whole first season you can listen to. You can also buy Lyz’s New York Times best-selling book This American Ex-Wife.

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