SPFPP 222: Discordant Dating Series - Knowledge is Bliss

That phrase, ignorance is bliss has officially been cancelled. It’s ignorance that perpetuates stereotypes that keep unfavorable circumstances of the status quo uplifted. In this case, the status quo being that we don’t speak about the reality of potentially having already been exposed to herpes far before we either have someone share their positive status with us, or we present symptoms ourselves. How we respond to these scenarios is a direct reflection of how knowledgeable we are about not just herpes, not just sexual health, but also humanness of the human condition. Paul is the symptom-free/negative half of a discordant relationship. At 51 years old, he speaks from wisdom of lived experiences that revolve around maturity and emotional intelligence. So what is it that made him decide to move forward when his partner shared her positive HSV status with him? It’s easy, knowledge. This wasn’t our guest’s first rodeo with a partner who was positive for herpes, but it was the second rodeo where a partner had disclosed that to him. He values the vulnerability that comes with sharing a positive HSV status over the risk of transmission. I ask him some real questions such as “are you prepared to receive a diagnosis or have initial symptoms?” and he answered truthfully. No one willingly went out and chased down herpes. We all just ended up being exposed and having symptoms, or we are exposed. What I think I’m coming up with in these conversations is that it’s important to change the way we have conversations about connecting in general. If your values don’t align for whatever the nature of the connection with another person, whether short term or long term, don’t waste anyone’s time. Everyone can go their separate ways in pursuit of what IS in line with their values and also have a much more pleasant interaction.