Why We Resist Change (and What to Do About It) with Ross Ellenhorn

Jul 22, 2025

In this engaging discussion, Ross Ellenhorn, a therapist and author known for his insights on change and addiction, explores our resistance to change. He reveals how the fear of disappointment and the allure of familiar patterns can stifle progress. Ross highlights the often-overlooked 'fear of hope' that can hinder motivation and the importance of social support in fostering true change. With critiques on traditional treatment models, he emphasizes compassionate approaches and the power of incremental steps in personal growth.

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INSIGHT

Sameness As Self-Protection

Staying the same can be a form of self-protection against repeated disappointment.
Ross Ellenhorn says disappointment signals helplessness, so avoiding change preserves dignity.

INSIGHT

The Paradox Of Hope

Fear of hope poisons motivation because hope raises expectations that can lead to crushing disappointment.
Without hope people avoid trying, yet hope is essential to move through uncertainty toward goals.

ADVICE

Build Self-Efficacy First

Build clients' self-efficacy to lower their fear of hope and make change tolerable.
Increase belief in handling disappointment so people are willing to attempt change.

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In this episode, Ross Ellenhorn explores the complexities of why we resist change and what to do about it. As Ross explains in this conversation, “staying the same protects you from the insult of small steps.” He shows us why these tiny steps can sometimes feel insulting and demoralizing. Ross also delves into the fear of raising expectations, the pain of disappointment, and why hope itself can feel threatening

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Key Takeaways:

Psychological concepts related to change, addiction, hope, disappointment, and self-efficacy.
The complexities of addiction and the distinction between harmful behaviors and positive attachments.
The challenges of personal change and the forces that resist it, including fear of disappointment and existential anxiety.
The concept of “fear of hope” and its impact on motivation and willingness to change.
The importance of social support and community in the recovery process.
Critique of current addiction treatment models and the need for a more compassionate, harm reduction approach.
The role of context in shaping an individual’s ability to change and the limitations of individualistic approaches.
The significance of incremental change and the value of small steps in personal growth.
The importance of respecting resistance to change as a form of self-love and preservation.

If you enjoyed this conversation with Ross Ellenhorn, check out these other episodes:

How to Integrate Behavior Change with Your Values with Spencer Greenberg

Tiny Habits for Behavior Change with BJ Fogg

Behavior Change with Dr. John Norcross

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