

396. - Raw Talk About Mismatched Libidos & Sex Drive in Marriage - With Austin Ellis LMFT
This episode is intended for couples in a healthy relationship who are looking to create better sexual balance in their marriage.
Sexual intimacy is a very important aspect of a healthy and thriving marriage. However, many if not most couples find themselves in a dynamic where one spouse has a higher sex drive than the other. This is completely normal, as no two people have the exact same libido.
The problem arises when (in a healthy marriage) the lower-desire spouse, often unintentionally, takes control over the couple’s sex life by determining "if" and "when" intimacy happens.
This imbalance can lead to frustration, resentment, and emotional disconnection. The key to overcoming this challenge is understanding the dynamics at play and working together to find a balance that satisfies both spouses.
If this is what it feels like in your marriage, you are not alone!
- A study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found that 80% of couples report having mismatched sex drives at some point in their relationship.
- According to the Kinsey Institute, 60–80% of married individuals say they wish their spouse wanted sex more often.
- A survey from the Marriage Foundation discovered that couples who have sex at least once a week are three times more likely to report being “very happy” in their marriage compared to those who have sex less frequently.
- A report in Archives of Sexual Behavior noted that lack of sexual intimacy is one of the top reasons for marital dissatisfaction and divorce.
In this episode of the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, we are joined by Austin Ellis, a licensed sex therapist, who addresses one of the most common issues in marriage: finding sexual balance when you and your spouse have completely different sex drives, and how to create a balance that works for both of you.
We asked Austin a few questions in this episode:
What if a spouse wants it daily and the other spouse wants it monthly?
What do you do if you cannot find a balance?
Is sex really a need in marriage?
What does healthy rejection look like?
Join us for this incredible episode, where you’ll not only understand why this happens but, more importantly, learn how to find a balance that you can both be happy with, so you can enjoy a thriving marriage. This might be the most important episode that completely changes your marriage!
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