Rachel Menzies, a psychologist at the University of Sydney and author of *Tales from the Valley of Death*, joins to tackle the anxiety of dying. She shares insights on how the fear of mortality affects daily life and relationships, especially for those like comedy writer Katie. Menzies suggests unconventional exposure techniques to confront these fears, including the curious idea of lying in a body bag. She emphasizes that engaging with thoughts of death can actually enhance our appreciation of life, sparking transformative conversations around mortality.
Confronting death anxiety through exposure therapy and open discussions can help individuals appreciate life and foster deeper connections with loved ones.
Engaging with death-related thoughts, such as writing a eulogy, can turn fear into gratitude, allowing for a richer experience of the present.
Deep dives
Understanding Death Anxiety
Death anxiety is a common issue that can significantly impact one's daily life, as illustrated by a listener named Katie, who constantly grapples with thoughts about dying and losing loved ones. The origins of her fear may stem from having older parents, leading her to feel a sense of urgency about the inevitable losses in her life. This preoccupation manifests in her inability to fully enjoy moments with friends or her dog, as thoughts of their future absence overshadow her present experiences. The podcast emphasizes that such anxiety is more prevalent than people realize, affecting many individuals who try to navigate their lives with the weight of these thoughts.
Confronting and Accepting Death
The podcast discusses various strategies for confronting the fear of death rather than avoiding it, with the goal of cultivating acceptance. A psychologist suggests that engaging with death-related thoughts directly can help diminish their controlling power, advocating for exposure therapy as a means of reducing anxiety. Techniques like writing one's own eulogy or having open conversations about death can facilitate acceptance and reduce the stigma surrounding the topic. This proactive approach encourages individuals to see their anxiety as a natural response, potentially transforming it into a deeper appreciation for life.
The Role of Reflection in Acceptance
Reflecting on life's fleeting nature can help individuals savor their experiences, as it allows them to appreciate the moments they have with loved ones. A unique perspective shared in the episode encourages viewing life as a special invitation to a party—rather than focusing on its eventual end, one can celebrate the time spent there. The discussion emphasizes that these reflections can foster a greater sense of gratitude, transforming what is often perceived as dread into excitement for the present. Engaging in dialogues about death and legacy can also strengthen relationships, prompting deeper connections with loved ones.
Community and Support in Facing Mortality
Creating a supportive community around the topic of death can help normalize conversations and diminish the isolation that often accompanies death anxiety. Initiatives like Death Cafes encourage people to discuss their feelings and fears in a safe, non-judgmental environment, fostering collective healing. The podcast highlights that sharing these thoughts with friends and family can build solidarity and reduce the fear that many individuals feel regarding death. By opening up about their anxieties, individuals like Katie can find comfort in knowing they are not alone in their struggles, ultimately learning to embrace life more fully.
Katie is terrified of dying. As the youngest in a big family, she can’t stop thinking about the fact that all her loved ones may die before she does. Katie is a comedy writer who knows how to get laughs, but her obsession with death is real, and getting in the way of living. In this episode of How To!, we bring on Rachel Menzies, a psychologist and researcher at the University of Sydney and author of Tales from the Valley of Death, to share what she’s learned about death anxiety. Exposure therapy is often the most effective way to overcome your fears, but how do you expose yourself to death? Rachel has some unusual ideas for Katie—and all of us—to take control of these intrusive thoughts, starting with lying in a body bag. Focusing deliberately on death, Rachel says, can actually help us appreciate life.
Are you afraid of something? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.
Want more How To!? Subscribe to Slate Plus to unlock exclusive bonus episodes. Plus, you’ll access ad-free listening across all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts by clicking “Try Free” at the top of the How To! show page. Or, visit slate.com/howtoplus to get access wherever you listen.