Make Your Relationships Great This Valentine's Day
Feb 14, 2024
16:16
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Rick Hanon, senior fellow at UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, shares insights on making great relationships and fostering love. Topics include being loyal to oneself, the power of self-forgiveness, taking responsibility in relationships, managing challenging relationships, and resizing for better foundations.
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Quick takeaways
Treating yourself like you matter is essential for building strong relationships and fostering self-growth.
Self-forgiveness, which involves taking responsibility, letting go of resentments, and making amends, leads to emotional freedom and personal growth.
Deep dives
Treating Yourself Like You Matter
Treating yourself like you matter is the foundation of everything good in relationships and life. It is essential to be loyal to yourself in order to bounce back from losses, face challenges, and continue learning and developing in positive ways. This attitude of being on your own side helps build strong relationships and fosters self-growth. Psychologist Rick Hansen emphasizes the importance of understanding what it feels like to be a friend to someone else and applying that same attitude to oneself. By bringing encouragement, guidance, compassion, and respect to oneself, individuals can establish a loyal and supportive stance towards themselves.
The Power of Self-Forgiveness
Forgiveness, whether towards others or oneself, is a vital aspect of personal growth and wellbeing. Self-forgiveness requires taking full responsibility for one's own actions and letting go of resentments and grievances. It also involves recognizing mistakes and moral faults without downplaying or denying them. Through self-forgiveness, individuals can separate their responsibility from the actions of others, allowing feelings of regret, guilt, and remorse to arise and pass without getting caught up in them. Repairing the damage, making amends, and committing to do better in the future are all elements of self-forgiveness, leading to a release of burdens and a sense of emotional freedom.
Taking the Higher Road in Relationships
When faced with challenging interactions or conflicts, choosing to take the higher road and focusing on one's own behavior can lead to positive outcomes. By directing 80% of attention and effort towards oneself and only 20% on how others can improve, individuals can maintain dignity, class, and self-respect. This approach involves slowing down, widening one's perspective, and maintaining center and clarity in communication. It also includes letting go of the need to prove oneself or react to others, instead focusing on personal thoughts, words, and deeds. By staying grounded and disengaging when necessary, individuals can build stronger relationships, gain respect from others, and be better positioned to achieve their goals and needs.
Today, we hear from Rick Hanson, senior fellow at UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, about his latest book, "Making Great Relationships: Simple Practices for Solving Conflicts, Building Connection, and Fostering Love."
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